Post by Glorfindel on Dec 20, 2011 18:02:57 GMT -5
Happy Holidays everyone! Merry Christmas. I am still here (I have always been here - Kosh) Well, the new year is almost here and it is time to gear up our efforts with "The Hobbit" right around the corner. I hope that everyone is doing well and I am looking forward to making some major strides in 2012. If the world holds together and the Hobbit movies are as successful as the LOTR films, then a Silmarillion movie can't be more than 5 years away. What we do here will help shape those films. See you soon. - G.
Post by Glorfindel on Apr 21, 2012 10:49:05 GMT -5
Scene: 27 - Valar Contemplation
FADE IN: INT: Mahanaxar, bright starlight - MED. SHOT: The Valar are all in the Ring of Doom, quiet and still with a few Maiar and elves present.
PAN ACROSS: Faces of the Valar who think quietly with occasional looks at each other as to transfer ideas mentally. All turn to look at the entrance as Eonwë walks in with Maedhros and Malgor. Eonwë makes a gesture for them to proceed. They walk slowly towards Manwë, stop and bow.
Maedhros: (to Manwë) Elder King, we have yet to lay eyes on our father or found any trace of him.
Maglor: (to Manwë) Indeed it has been [Looking up briefly at the stars]…many days as much as we can surmise, since anyone has seen him.
Manwë: (to Maedhros and Maglor) Thank you young princes for thy efforts in the midst of grief. Please keep me informed. My heart is heavy with concern about thy father’s wellbeing. Such great evil has befallen us all by the hand of Melkor, yet I guess that he did so with some assistance.
Oromë: (to Manwë) As thou has surmised King Manwë, there can be no doubt that Melkor had aid in this terrible venture.
Manwë: (to Oromë) But from where did this evil aid originate? This still perplexes me.
Tulkas: (to all) We thought ourselves vigilant, it appears not enough so.
Oromë: (to Manwë) Should we send for Ulmo to come to council, since undoubtedly Melkor has returned to Middle-earth?
Manwë: (to Orome, to all) Knowing the heart and mind of my good friend Ulmo, I can venture as to what he would say in council. If he were aware of Melkor’s return, he would have sent tidings by now. We need to meditate as to the best course of action to take for the healing and restoration of all in Valinor.
Yavanna: (to Manwë) But this destruction seems complete. The trees are not to be resurrected with the Silmarils now gone.
Manwë: (to Yavanna, to all) Yet redress must and will be made. Though defeat now surrounds us, we will not reside in it forever.
Last Edit: Apr 21, 2012 10:59:50 GMT -5 by Glorfindel
Post by Glorfindel on Apr 21, 2012 11:12:23 GMT -5
Scene: 28 - The Fell Oath
EXT: Streets of Tirion lit by torch light. MED SHOT: Nerdanel walking with Indis. Elves run past quickly in the opposite direction. Nerdanel becomes curious
Nerdanel: (to an elf running by) Please friend, tell us, what is going on?
Noldor Male Elf: (to Nerdanel) Fëanor has returned. He is in the square!
Nerdanel: (to Noldor male elf) Fëanor? Here? Many have been concerned for him, but he cannot come here; he is still under the ban.
Noldor Male Elf: (to Nerdanel) Nonetheless, he stands on the steps and many are gathering.
Indis: (to all) I fear that much harm may come about because of his presence.
Nerdanel: (to Indis) I agree; we must go there now.
CUT TO: EXT: Square in Tirion lit with many torches. LONG SHOT: Fëanor is on the steps to the King's mansion with his sons. A crowd has gathered.
Fëanor: (to all) My Noldor people, why should we longer serve the jealous Valar, who cannot keep us or even their own realm secure from their enemy? And though he is now their foe, are not they and he of one kin?
CUT TO: MED. SHOT: Nerdanel and Indis make their way to Fingolfin and Finarfin in the crowd.
Fëanor: O.S.V. (to crowd) Vengeance calls me hence, but even was it otherwise I would no longer dwell in the same land with the kin of my father's slayer and of the thief of my treasure. Yet I am not the only valiant in this valiant people.
MED. SHOT CONT'D: Nerdanel, Indis looks sad while anger is rising in the face of Fingolfin.
Fëanor: O.S.V. (to crowd) And have you not all lost your King? And what else have you not lost, cooped here in a narrow land between the mountains and the sea?
MED. SHOT CONT'D: The rest of Finwë's grandchildren are now filtering into the crowd and try to get closer to their fathers.
Fëanor: O.S.V. (to crowd) Here once was light that the Valar begrudged to Middle-earth, but now darkness levels all. Shall we mourn here deedless forever, a shadow-folk, mist-haunting, dropping vain tears in the thankless sea? Or shall we return to our home? In Cuivienen sweet ran the waters under the unclouded stars, and wide lands lay about, where a free people might walk. There they lie still and await us who in our folly forsook them. Come away! Let the cowards keep the city!
Nerdanel: (sadly, softly speaks) He is mad. Leave Aman? ...he is mad!
Fingolfin: (to those close by) Mad or otherwise, he rebels against the Valar.
CUT TO: MED. SHOT: Fëanor on the steps surrounded by his sons.
ZOOM IN SLOW:
Fëanor: (to the crowd) Fair shall the end be, though long and hard shall be the road! Say farewell to bondage! But say farewell also to ease, say farewell to the weak, and say farewell to your treasures. We shall make even more. Journey light, but bring your swords! For we will go further than Oromë, endure longer that Tulkas; we will never turn back from pursuit. After Morgoth to the ends of the Earth! War shall he have and hatred undying. But when we have conquered and have regained the Silmarils, then we and we alone shall be the lords of the unsullied Light, and masters of the bliss and beauty of Arda. No other race shall oust us!
CUT TO: MED. SHOT: Nerdanel, Fingolfin, Indis, and Finarfin
Nerdanel: (to a Fingolfin) What people…a race not Eldar? Fingolfin, what people does he speak of?
Fingolfin: (to those close by) A few have heard rumor of such tidings some time ago; a group of people in Middle-earth not Eldar.
CUT TO: CLOSE UP: Fëanor
Fëanor: (to crowd) Long have we been in the so called Blessed Realm to receive instruction, and to have bliss which was said could not be obtained in Middle-earth. Then why do the Valar not offer the After-comers the same? These that they call "men", have been destined to come forth in the same wide land that we were told to abandon. Shall they inherit what was intended for us? I say no; we will reclaim the Silmarils and take back what is rightfully ours!
CUT TO: MED SHOT: The crowd cries out, "to Middle-earth", "let us go!" PAN ACROSS: the crowd PAN STOP: on Fingolfin and kin
Finarfin: (to Finarfin) It seems our brother means to have a kingdom of his own.
Fingolfin: (to Finarfin, upset) That is not very surprising to me at all Finarfin. This has to be stopped.
MED. SHOT CONT'D: MOVING SHOT: Fingolfin, upset, tries to make his way toward Fëanor.
CUT TO: MED. SHOT: ZOOM IN SLOW: Fëanor
Fëanor: (to crowd, fell and serious) No matter if foe or friend, whether foul or clean, birthed from Morgoth or even a Valar, Eldar, Maiar or these After comers yet unborn; no law, nor love, nor agreement of swords, danger or even Doom itself shall keep any safe from me or my kin. For whoso hides or hoards, or takes in hand, finding and then keeps or cast afar a Silmaril, I swear, he shall have torture and death until the end of the world. Here me Eru Iluvatar, The One and All Father! To the everlasting-darkness doom me if I fail. On the holy mountain, witness and remember my oath, Varda and Manwë!
CUT TO: MED SHOT: PAN ACROSS: The crowd; they are quiet and Fingolfin is stopped in his tracks, in horror.
PAN CONTINUES: around and all in the crowd and then back to Fëanor.
Fëanor: (to crowd, loudly) Who is now with me in this quest?!!
MED. SHOT CONT'D: the crowd gasps as the sons of Fëanor stand up quickly making a half circle around Fëanor. They unsheathe their swords and hold them up, touching the tips of them together as they speak in unison.
All of Fëanor's sons: (to each other and Fëanor) Be he foe or friend, be he foul or clean, brood of Morgoth or bright Valar, Eldar or Maiar or After-comer, Man yet unborn upon Middle-earth, neither law, nor love, nor league of swords, dread nor danger, not Doom itself, shall defend him from Fëanor, and Fëanor's kin, whoso hides or hoards, or in hand takes, finding keeps or afar casts a Silmaril. We all swear this; death we will deal him before Day's ending, woe unto world's end! Hear our words, Eru All Father! To the everlasting Darkness doom us if our deed fails. On the holy mountain hear in witness and our vows remember, Manwë and Varda!
CUT TO: MED. SHOT: MOVING SHOT: Fingolfin, furious, forces his way near to Fëanor. Turgon follows close after him. Finarfin and Orodreth slowly make their way too.
Fingolfin: (to Fëanor, very loud and upset) You have gone too far Fëanor and grave folly have you and your sons commented. Neither wise nor brave is this action. (Turns and speaks to the crowd) Be not taken in by his words for they are vain and dangerous! (Turns back to Fëanor) Fëanor...why do you come to entice our people in such a matter when you do not have the leave of the Valar to be here? You rebel openly against them; those who have ever done kindness to our people. Let them redress the resent wrongs and punish Morgoth. Stop this!
Turgon: (to Fëanor) Yes, it is madness to leave Aman at this time!
Fëanor: (to Turgon, Fingolfin, calm but firm) No, it would be madness to stay. Almost all of the reasons that the Valar have told us concerning why we should abide here have been proven false. And even if they were true, the evil deeds of Morgoth have revealed how ill equipped they are for maintaining their own realm. But Fingolfin, how can you question the direction which I lead my people? You speak of words, but you seem to have forgotten the ones that you spoke before all in the Ring of Doom.
Fingolfin: (to Fëanor, loud) I have not forgotten them nor have I loss memory of the ones spoken by our father Finwë. It was he, not you, which awoke in Cuivienen with the forefathers of all the Eldar! It was he that urged our people here to Aman; he that led our people unselfishly on a long road and whose hand was in the building of Tirion upon the hill of Tuna, and then was given leave by Ingwe to preside over all here in the city. Who are you but a loud self-promoter who has always sought to increase his fame and glory!
Fëanor: (to Fingolfin, Fierce) You dare speak such things to me! It is but a reflection of your true heart, for you have ever desired the throne of my father and now fear that all those hopes are at an end. Shall sharp metal yet find your neck half-brother?! For I will not suffer your interferences or plots for usurping my throne any longer!
MED SHOT CONT'D: Fingolfin and Fëanor draw their swords. Finrod rushes up to stand near Turgon with hand on hilt.
Finarfin: (to Fëanor and Fingolfin) Brothers, please! Let the heat of your hearts cool a little. There is no need for rash words in these dark days. Give pause so that these things can be judged rightly without unneeded emotion, for what is at hand will impact us all no matter what is decided. Please, do not dishonor the memory of our father.
Fingolfin: (to Finarfin) (Pause) Time is needed, but Fëanor is still without the leave of the Valar and his presence here is rebellion.
Fëanor: (to Fingolfin, to Finarfin) Do not be concern with me and the "leave" of the Valar; but moreover, how long do you suggest it take to arrive at the proper conclusion Finarfin; a day, a few days, a few years, an age of the Valar?
Orodreth: (to Fëanor) However long it takes uncle, and if you return to Formenos, then perhaps Fingolfin and my father could obtain an audience with the Valar and explain that...
Fëanor: (to Orodreth) Explain what Orodreth? That I am meek minded like you and your father, and came by the hill of Tuna to see how well "King Fingolfin" instructed the Noldor in the making of torches to endure the darkness?
Fingolfin: (to Fëanor) Will you always seek to harm others with your words Fëanor?! You cast dispersions on others when you should take inventory of yourself and the motivation behind your own deeds!
Fëanor: (turning to the crowd, loud) Enough! Where are the brave among you?! Are we less than our forefathers and so filled with fear that we will not set out on the road they traversed? Many have dreamed of it as I; will we continue to just talk and wait in the darkness?
Finarfin: (to Fëanor, to crowd) Please Fëanor, (turns to the crowd) Listen my people; time can be used wisely but over haste will lead to disaster. Will you not even consider that...
Fëanor: (interrupting, to crowd) We have considered long enough already, we will go!
CUT TO: LONG SHOT: Many elves influenced by Fëanor voice their feelings
Crowd: (loud) "Yes, let us be gone." "To Middle-earth we go, to our lands." "Death to Morgoth!" "Yes, yes, let us go!"
CUT TO: MED SHOT: Fingon moves close to Galadriel through the crowd with Angrod and Aegnor close behind him.
Fingon: (to Galadriel) Now this is a sight to see. Truthfully, I have mixed emotions about it all.
Galadriel: (to Fingon) Is that so cousin? I felt anguish deep in my heart at the oath they took. I do no such thing, but I do wish to go. What of you cousin Fingon, and of you my brothers?
Angrod: (to Galadriel, to Fingon) My heart is torn by the choices at hand. What is your wisdom on this matter Fingon?
Aegnor: (to Fingon) Indeed cousin Fingon; I will follow your lead, but I will not speak against our fathers.
Fingon: (to all) I considered Maedhros at one time a close friend, but I have little love for Fëanor. When the time comes...yes, I will go.
MED SHOT CONT'D: The crowd cheers for Fëanor and the decision to leave Aman.
ZOOM OUT SLOW: Fëanor holds his sword up as does his sons. The blades shine with an eerie reddish tint, as if stained with blood.
FADE TO BLACK:
Last Edit: Apr 21, 2012 11:20:49 GMT -5 by Glorfindel
Post by Huinesoron on Jul 22, 2012 21:07:29 GMT -5
Aiya Glorfindel Voronda!
Hail, Glorfindel the Faithful!
I am really, really impressed (in fact quite stunned) that you've kept this little project going pretty much by yourself for so long - and I'm really sorry it was necessary. I'm going to try and be back now. Now, if only we can pull Tamitha back in...
~He came never back among the people of the Elves~
Post by Huinesoron on Jul 22, 2012 21:57:23 GMT -5
Okay, in the process of throwing the whole thing into one file, a few notes.
I have to admit your script isn't how I'd have done it... or rather how I did do it! But that's hardly a problem - if you were just repeating what I'd done, there'd be no point. Instead you have a different take on things - which is good.
On the subject of spelling, some persistent errors I'm noticing:
You have 'Celegrom' for 'Celegorm' throughout. You also seem convinced that 'pasted' is a word (well, it is, but only as regards gluing things together). I think you wanted 'passed'. The only other one that may be repeated (only seen it once so far, but...) is 'less' where you mean 'lest'. Yes, it's a contraction of 'unless', but, well, that's English for you.
On the subject of, y'know, everything else:
It seems in places as if you wrote a scene in the vernacular then translated it into formal English. For instance in Scene 6, Feanor tells Curufin off with the words 'Always do as I advise' - which feels like you originally wrote 'Do what I tell you!', then toned it back two centuries. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can give some strange results - as in that line, mandatory advice is a bit of a strange idea (but then, this /is/ Feanor...)
I admire the way you've integrated references to the later story in your script - I'm specifically reading the appearance of Huan here, but also things like Celegorm fanboying Orome - it sets him up for LL very nicely.
Your dialogue lines seem to be generally longer than mine. I almost wonder whether your script might work as a radio play, so much of the story is told through the dialogue... and it would save all the trouble we've had with artists.
[Reaches scene 15] Ooh! Amarie! Awesome! [Is an unashamed Finrod/Amarie 'shipper]
Just reached the Oath and the end of your revisions, so I'm aware that everything thereafter is more 'raw'. I'm wondering if you had a reason to have the entire text of the Oath of Feanor in twice - Feanor says it, and less than a minute later his sons come out with it.
[Reaches the Moonrise scene] Amarie again... oh dear. Glorfindel, I think your script just broke my heart.
Last Edit: Jul 22, 2012 23:40:14 GMT -5 by Huinesoron
~He came never back among the people of the Elves~
Regarding your comment about much of the story being told via dialogue I may have had some influence in that. In the beginning as I was attempting to edit the script I complained about things being left out or not being explained well enough, to which Glorifindel did explain to me that it would be shown rather than spoken. As a writer and not a screen writer this was a concept I had not taken into consideration. More than that I cannot say because I have not had the opportunity to read the script in it's entirety, but it seems that G has impressed you so when I can I will certainly give it a read through.
Post by Huinesoron on Jul 27, 2012 21:21:36 GMT -5
The only reason I managed to read through any of the three is that I felt a burning need to standardise the punctuation/spacing. I'm not much of a one for reading scripts, with a few exceptions.
I am impressed by Glorfindel - and not just the fact that he's written a treatment even longer than mine (Maeglin's LL was far shorter). As may be obvious from the above, I think he's done a far better job than I of integrating all the various people involved. Huan and Amarie are the ones I noticed most, but that's because I've just finished reading P@L's Leithian Script (I think I've linked to it before), and they both play key roles. If I was reworking my script, I would be hard-pressed not to start stealing outright.
On the flip side, I feel the visual impact of most of the 'key' scenes has been lessened. I would say that the reveal of the Trees, the reveal of the Silmarils, the Breaking of the Peace, the Treesfall, the Oath, the Kinslaying, the Death of Feanor, Moonrise and/or Sunrise should all be visual extravaganzae - and I feel many of these were brushed over in the G script. The Breaking of the Peace in particular I barely noticed, and most of the other made little impact on me.
The exceptions that I remember are the Kinslaying, which was well covered - much better than my version, which I seem to recall I had to hand off to someone else - and... maybe Treesfall? I know I don't like my own version too much, but I actually can't remember the G scene too well.
I'm also in two minds about the Helcaraxe. On the one hand, G's scenes set on the Ice were very moving. On the other hand, I think the unexpected arrival of Fingolfin at Mithrim at Sunrise in my version is much better dramatically - and extending my flashback to include more of G's stuff would break the tension.
So: two scripts, each with good and bad points, but which can't be reconciled into one. It's a good thing we're not Hollywood...
~He came never back among the people of the Elves~
I would like to thank you for your critique and comments. I do apologize for the misspells, missteps and weird changes. I tried my best to proof read, but late nights and attempting to do so quickly through breaks and lunch marred most of those efforts. I will look specifically at the changing language in the dialog when I get the chance.
Unfortunately, I don't have as much time as I once did to even attempt to edit anything. Nevertheless, I hope to get on the board a few times a month to at least check in.
At this point, I don't mind going with a shorter more concise script. I love the world of Arda too much to allow ego or anything else to stop progress. I will eventually finish the "G" version after a final "FINAL" rewrite, but not in the near future. Besides that, my script is very wordy and if filmed it would need to be done more like a mini-series than one movie. In the meantime, feel free to incorporate any "G version" elements that may be useful into a more feasible script. I will help out when I can.
Thanks for your help. I hope you are doing well and having a speedy recovery.
Last Edit: Nov 8, 2012 17:38:47 GMT -5 by Glorfindel