|
Post by Huinesoron on Nov 18, 2004 16:19:48 GMT -5
Mrr... stupid post length limit. Right, here we go. I'll post sections of the screenplay as they are written, starting today with the prologue and scene 1. Any comments etcetera would be appreciated. ~~~~~ The Silmarillion: The Fall Of The Noldor Prologue [Darkness] Artanis: [VO] In the beginning was Eru, the One, who in Arda is called Ilúvatar, and he was alone in the Void. Artanis: [VO] He made first the Ainur, the Holy Ones, that were the offspring of his thought, and they were with him before aught else was made. [From the light (Eru) smaller lights appear and move away from him, but stay on-screen. Eru does not get smaller. These are the Ainur, and are faintly coloured in many shades] Artanis: [VO] The Ainur sang before Ilúvatar, and he was glad. [Two of the sparks orbit around a common centre, making crystalline music. Eru is in the background] Artanis: [VO] And it came to pass that Ilúvatar called them all together, and declared to them a mighty theme. And all the Ainur sang before Ilúvatar, and a sound arose of endless interchanging melodies woven in harmony that passed beyond hearing into the depths and the heights. [All the Ainur are gathered before Eru. They begin to sing, like an orchestra of all instruments. Silm. says 'like unto harps and lutes, and pipes and trumpets, and viols and organs, and like unto countless choirs singing with words' SECOND CHOICE FOR TITLE SCREEN (The Silmarillion: The Fall Of The Noldor)] Artanis: [VO] And Ilúvatar sat and hearkened, and for a great while it seemed good to him, for in the Music there were no flaws. But into the heart of Melkor, mightiest of the Ainur, the thought came to interweave matters of his own devising, that were not in accord with the theme of Ilúvatar. [Ainulindalë. The largest of the Ainur, which is red, suddenly pulses with energy, and a discord breaks the music] Artanis: [VO] Straightaway discord rose about him, and many that sang nigh him grew despondent, and their music faltered; but some began to attune their music to his, rather than to the thought they had at first. [Around Melkor the Ainur grow less bright. As some attune to his music, it grows louder, and their colours take on a reddish tint] Artanis: [VO] The discord of Melkor spread, and before the throne of Ilúvatar it seemed there was a raging storm, and Melkor had the mastery. [The discord grows louder, almost drowning the Music, and over half of the Ainur become reddened] Artanis: [VO] Then Ilúvatar arose, and a new theme began amid the storm, and it was deep and wide and beautiful, but slow and blended with an immeasurable sorrow, from which its beauty chiefly came. [Eru pulses with light, and a new theme starts up from amid the non-red side of the Ainur, corresponding to the description above. Meanwhile, the discord achieves a harmony of its own, loud and blaring and repetitive. It uses a lot of trumpets] Artanis: [VO] And the discord of Melkor essayed to drown the other music by the violence of its voice, but it seemed that its most triumphant notes were taken by the other and woven into its solemn pattern. [… this happens] Artanis: [VO] In the midst of this strife, when the Timeless Halls shook with the sound, Ilúvatar arose again, and in one chord, deeper than the Abyss, higher than the Firmament, piercing as the light in the eye of Ilúvatar, the Music ceased. [Eru pulses with a very bright light, almost washing out the Ainur. As he does, the two musics coincide on a final chord, and cease] Artanis: [VO] Then Ilúvatar led the Ainur forth into the Void, and they saw the realm of Arda globed amid the Void. And they saw therein, amid the design Ilúvatar had set for them, all the things it seemed they themselves had added. And they saw that even the discord of Melkor was a part of the greater plan, and came ultimately from the mind of Ilúvatar. [The Ainur cluster around a blue and green sphere, which flickers with change as they watch it] Artanis: [VO] And many of the Ainur, among them the mightiest and most fair, forsook the Timeless Halls, and descended into the Realm of Arda, and Melkor was foremost among them.
Artanis: [VO] The most powerful of the Ainur, the Valar, undertook to shape Arda according to Ilúvatar's designs. Two great lamps they built, Illuin and Ormal, to light it, and upon the Isle of Almaren, where the light of both lamps met and blended, the first great dwelling of the Valar was made. [Flyover shot. Sweep down over the mountains in the south, past the pillar of Ormal, and swiftly over the green lands of Arda, across the Great Lake, to Almaren, a green isle, where the Valar and Maiar walk. See Nessa dancing on the grass, and Tulkas watching and laughing uproariously] Artanis: [VO] But Melkor built in secret for himself a great fortress in the north, Utumno, from whence he sent forth foul creatures to mar the Spring of Arda. [Pan back up from Almaren, north, past Illuin, over marsh and swamp, to the Iron Mountains, and down through the gates of Utumno. See Melkor in a vast hall, surrounded by serpents, a pool of writhing Watchers, a couple-three Balrogs, and other Fell things. Note: Do not overload with monsters. Just a few] Artanis: [VO] In a time of festival, when the Valar rested, Melkor came forth from Almaren, and cast down the lamps. In their ruin the Isle of Almaren was utterly destroyed. [Melkor sweeps down over the land at stupidly high speeds, with his armies. They swarm around the pillar of Illuin, and it falls, crashing down southwards to where the Great Lake can distantly be seen] Artanis: [VO] Tulkas gave chase…<br>[Tulkas is seen running faster than the wind towards the north, along the wreck of the pillar] Artanis: [VO] … but could not overtake him. [Melkor charges through the gates of Utumno and slams them in Tulkas' face] Artanis: [VO] The Spring of Arda was ended. Having now no dwelling in Middle-earth, the Valar removed over the Western Sea, to the land of Aman, leaving the ruined lands to Melkor. [Shot, similar to establishing shot of the Valar, of the Valar appearing on a dark beach and walking forwards. Pan around to show the Pelóri, and the Calacirya] Artanis: [VO] To replace the lamps, Yavanna grew the Two Trees, Laurelin…<br>[Shot of Yavanna singing on the Corollairë while Nienna weeps beside her. Pan up and left to follow the growth of the Golden Tree, which reaches full height in a few seconds. She has light green leaves with golden edges, and golden flowers which glow with golden light] Artanis: [VO] … and Telperion. [Pan across the sky to the Silver Tree. He has dark green leaves with silver undersides, and silver flowers which glow] Artanis: [VO] But the Valar did not forget Middle-earth. Varda, the Queen of the Valar and bride of Manwë, took the dew of Telperion and kindled new stars in the sky, that Middle-earth might have light. [Varda stands atop Taniquetil and flings a bowl of glowing silver liquid out over the Sea. The dew separates into small sparks, and these fall into place as the familiar night sky] Artanis: [VO] In that hour, by the lake of Cuiviénen, the elves, eldest of the Children of Ilúvatar, awoke.
Artanis: [VO] Thus it was that Oromë, who went often to Middle-earth to hunt, discovered them, and brought the news back to the Valar in their city, Valmar of many bells. [Oromë, astride Nahar, listens to the faint sound of Elven song. Then, turning back to the West, he rides away, fast] Artanis: [VO] The Valar purposed to lead all the Eldar west, out of Middle-earth, to the blessed realm of Valinor. But there were many who would not go…<br>[Shot of Oromë and Nahar amid an elven camp, watching the elves packing to leave. Pan back into the woods to see a small group fleeing eastwards] Artanis: [VO] … and some of these Melkor captured, and corrupted, and from them he bred the race of orcs, in envy and mockery of the Elves and of Ilúvatar. [Shot of orcs in the caverns of Utumno] Artanis: [VO] As the elves marched west, the Valar declared war on Melkor. Long was the siege of Utumno…<br>[The elves pause their march to gaze north at pyrotechnic displays] Artanis: [VO] … but in time the fortress was broken, and Tulkas cast down Melkor, and bound him with a great chain. [Shot of Tulkas wrestling with Melkor, and casting him down onto his face] Artanis: [VO] Then Melkor was taken and imprisoned in the Halls of Mandos, where Námo, Doomsman of the Valar, dwelt, and peace there was in Arda for many long ages. [Pan away from Melkor in chains, into shadow] [[TBC]]
|
|
|
Post by Huinesoron on Nov 18, 2004 16:20:34 GMT -5
Artanis: [VO] The Eldar arrived in Valinor, and saw the light of the trees…<br>[The Vanyar and Noldor, led by Ingwë and Finwë, stand on the beach where the Valar arrived in Aman, golden light on their faces] Artanis: [VO] … but there were some who lingered, unwilling to leave the lands of starlight, and they were known in after days as the Sindar, the Grey Elves. [Shot of elves moving in the trees under the stars] Artanis: [VO] For many long years the Eldar lived at peace in Aman, and Míriel, wife of Finwë, High King of the Noldor, bore a son, Fëanor, in whom dwelt the fiercest spirit of any elf in the ancient days. [Shot of a weak-looking Miriel holding baby Fëanor] Artanis: [VO] From his actions would come the most noble acts of the Elves, and the most cruel. But many long years passed in bliss, while Fëanor grew and married…<br>[Wedding of Nerdanel and Fëanor in Tirion. Pan up and across in a panorama view of Valinor while the Two Trees shine. Pan slowly down…] Artanis: [VO] … until the time came for Melkor's case to be reopened. [… to the Ring of Doom, where the Valar are gathered in council. Melkor is knelt on the floor before them, still chained. MOVIE BEGINS]
Scene 1: Máhanaxar
Melkor: … and I beg of you, Manwë my brother, that you hear my plea. For I vow here that if you make me but the free people in Valinor, I will aid you in all your works, and most of all in the healing of the many hurts that I did to the world in those days I now regret so deeply. [Manwë looks uncertain. Rising, Nienna walks over to Melkor and rests a hand on his shoulder. Where his voice was loud, reminiscent of the discord from earlier, hers is soft, yet well projected, filling the space] Nienna: My lord, I ask you to hear his words. Long have I spoken with Melkor while he languished in the depths of my brother's halls. Much he has told me of his reasons for rebellion, and I do believe that he has spoken truly, and that he has indeed repented for bringing War into Arda, and for all his actions resulting therefrom. Tulkas: Ha! And why should we believe him? We all know what he did even before we came down here, and why should he have changed? There's no indication that he has any reasons not to lie about it, just like he lies about everything else. [Nienna turns to face him] Nienna: I have told you, Lord Tulkas, that I have spoken with him at length, and that as far as I can ascertain, what he has told me is the truth. Tulkas: And why should we think your judgement unimpaired? Everyone knows how you felt about him back Up There. [Simultaneously] Irmo: Do not speak thus about my sister! Nessa: Tulkas, dear, don't you think that was a bit rude? [Pause. Tulkas looks around at the other Valar. Ulmo, Nessa and Nienna avoid his gaze, while Melkor is still kneeling, facing Manwë, but all the others glare back at him] Tulkas: [Mumbling] Er, sorry, Nienna… didn't mean it…<br>Nienna: [Sniffing slightly, as if she's about to cry] It's all right, Tulkas… I forgive you. Irmo: Well, I don't! I—<br>Manwë: [Interrupting] Enough. [Everyone is silent. At a gesture from Manwë, Nienna returns to her seat. Manwë looks at Melkor. When Manwë speaks, you can hear the power in his voice, but he does not shout] Manwë: Brother mine, look at me. [Melkor raises his head, expression penitent, and looks Manwë in the eyes. After a few moments, Manwë nods] Manwë: I see no lie in your eyes. I grant you pardon. [Melkor's eyes light up, and he tries to stand, but is hindered by the chain] Manwë: But this limit is set on your freedom: that you must be constrained to dwell within the gates of Valmar. For I see that several of my brethren…<br>[Manwë looks around the circle, pausing especially to look at Tulkas and Ulmo] Manwë: [Continued]… still do not trust you, and thus we will not suffer you to depart beyond our sight and vigilance. Is this understood? [Melkor bows his head again, and nods. Manwë smiles] Manwë: Then I bid you welcome home, brother. Aulë will remove your chains. Aulë: [Looks up from a notebook he had been writing in] Huh? What? Manwë: I said that you will now free Melkor from his chains, for he is freed. Aulë: Is he? Oh, good for him. [He goes back to writing on the notepad, in Tengwar] [Yavanna is sitting beside Aulë, and at Manwë's pleading look, nudges him] Yavanna: Aulë, dear? The chains? Aulë: Oh! Yes, right. [Aulë gets up and walks over to Melkor, pulling a strangely-shaped metal device out of his belt as he goes] Aulë: Right then, old chap, let's get these off…<br>[Fade to black]
~~~~~~~
|
|
|
Post by Chronicler on Nov 18, 2004 16:55:24 GMT -5
Ah! Love it, hS! The descriptions in the prologue are brilliant, and I love your characterization of the Valar. Methinks our screenplay is in very capable hands. *nod nod* Huzzah to ye, hS. ~ Chronicler ~
|
|
StarwindRohana
Moriquendi
And wandered beside the sea, ever singing.
Posts: 12
|
Post by StarwindRohana on Nov 19, 2004 7:21:26 GMT -5
It's very funny, and I suppose it' work quite well. The Prolouge also seems suitably serious and informative. But hS, please don't try to add exessive humor. You haven't done it so far, but the Silm is quite a serious book, so...let's get that across, okay? With some of your ever-amusing jokes, of course.
|
|
|
Post by Berzerker_prime on Nov 19, 2004 22:00:17 GMT -5
Proof of concept for an alternate Prologue. Just bandying about some ideas to mull over. Prologues should be short and to the point. This one is a page and 2/3 in .doc format, 12 point, Times New Roman.
Berz.
*******
(Blank, black screen)
ERU: Mighty are the Ainur, and mightiest among them is Melkor. But that he may know, and all the Ainur, that I am Illuvatar. And no idea may be brought forth that hath not its uttermost source in me.
(Fade in Title card: “Silmarillion.” Fade out to black.)
(The screen explodes forth in a fiery battle between the Powers. It ends in a desperate chaining of Melkor, the darkest and most evil of them. We see Manwë championing the fight, finally thrusting Melkor into a dark prison. All this happens very quickly and chaotically.)
(Cut to a serene but not resplendent field near a lake, by night. This is Cuívienen. One by one, stars wink into existence in the skies.)
NARRATOR: Thus it was that Melkor, the source of all evil in creation, was imprisoned by the Valar. And then, came the first Children of Illuvatar; the Elves.
(An Elf strolls by the camera. Fade to a great host of Elves following on a road, behind Oromë. They come to the seashore.)
NARRATOR: Protected by Oromë, huntsman of the Valar, they came to the western shores of Middle-earth. And though some still lingered, most went to the blessed realm of Valinor.
(Fade to the shores of a splendid land as the Elves disembark their ships. Leading them is Finwë with his wife Míriel at his side.)
NARRATOR: The high king of the Elves was Finwë. To he and his wife Míriel was born a son, the greatest of the Elves; Fëanor.
(Finwë holds up an infant Fëanor in the light of the two trees, in joy. Meanwhile, sitting in the grass and watching them, is a frail and sad-looking Míriel.)
NARRATOR: But Míriel had poured into the birth of her son so much of her spirit that when Fëanor was full grown at last, she despaired of her life, forever wearied.
(Fade to a scene in a peaceful forest. Míriel sleeps the sleep of death with Finwë and Fëanor standing vigil.
NARRATOR: And though it is granted to the Elves to return to the living after a time of rest, Míriel refused. But for the grieving Finwë, life continued.
(Finwë at last turns away from the dead Míriel, leaving Fëanor behind. Fade to a green hillside, in the light of the two trees, where Finwë clasps hands with Indis.)
NARRATOR: In this time of sorrow, Finwë gave his heart to another; Indis. But the Valar would not allow the Elvenking to have to living wives. So, to wed Indis, Finwë forsook the possibility that Míriel would ever change her mind and return to the house of her spirit. And so, the mortal body of Míriel withered and faded.
(Finwë and Indis embrace, but Fëanor is looking on.)
NARRATOR: But this grieved Fëanor greatly, for he would never again see his beloved mother in life.
(Fade to Finwë, Indis, and an adolescent Fingolfin and Finarfin. Fëanor looks on from a distance.)
NARRATOR: While Indis bore to Finwë two more sons, Fingolfin and Finarfin, Fëanor turned his mind to language, song, and most of all, to craft.
(Fëanor, working over a forge, holds up a finished Palantír.)
NARRATOR: He created many works of wonder the likes of which were never seen before or since in all of creation. He it was who crafted the great seeing stones, the Palantíri. But the greatest of his works was yet to be forged.
(Fade to the Ring of Doom. The Valar are present, Manwë at the head of the gathering and Melkor in the center, still chained.)
NARRATOR: And in that time the Valar had another decision to make; one that would shape the histories of all of creation for ages to come.
(Fade in Title card: “Noldolantë.” Fade out.)
(Scene one ensues; the Valar decide to unchain the seemingly penitent Melkor.)
|
|
|
Post by Chronicler on Dec 20, 2004 15:12:22 GMT -5
Very nice, Berzerker. *nod nod*
~ Chronicler ~
|
|
|
Post by Maeglin on Nov 23, 2005 10:55:43 GMT -5
I've attempted to splice Berserker's and hS's prologues and cut a few chunks. More still needs to go. We have to be pitiless. Prologue Eru: Mighty are the Ainur, and mightiest among them is Melkor. But that he may know, and all the Ainur, that I am Illuvatar. And no idea may be brought forth that hath not its uttermost source in me. [Darkness] Galadriel: [VO] The Ainur sang a great song before Ilúvatar, and he was glad. [All the Ainur are gathered before Eru. They begin to sing, like an orchestra of all instruments. Silm. says 'like unto harps and lutes, and pipes and trumpets, and viols and organs, and like unto countless choirs singing with words'] Galadriel: [VO] But into the heart of Melkor, mightiest of the Ainur, the thought came to interweave matters of his own devising, that were not in accord with the theme of Ilúvatar. [Ainulindalë. The largest of the Ainur, which is red, suddenly pulses with energy, and a discord breaks the music] Galadriel: [VO] Straightaway discord rose about him, and some of the Ainur began to attune their music to his. [Around Melkor the Ainur grow less bright. As some attune to his music, it grows louder, and their colours take on a reddish tint] Galadriel: [VO] But Ilúvatar sung a second theme to the Ainur, which strove with the Discord of Melkor for mastery. [Eru flares, and the Second Theme starts up] Galadriel: [VO] In the midst of this strifeIlúvatar arose again, and in one chord, deeper than the Abyss, higher than the Firmament, piercing as the light in the eye of Ilúvatar, the Music ceased. [Eru pulses with a very bright light, almost washing out the Ainur. As he does, the two themes coincide on a final chord, and cease] Eru: Behold Arda. The new world. The fruit of all our song. [The Ainur cluster around a blue and green sphere, which flickers with change as they watch it]
Galadriel: [VO] The most powerful of the Ainur, the Valar, undertook to shape Arda according to Ilúvatar's designs. [Flyover shot. Sweep down over the mountains in the south, past the pillar of Ormal, and swiftly over the green lands of Arda, across the Great Lake, to Almaren, a green isle, where the Valar and Maiar walk. See Nessa dancing on the grass, and Tulkas watching and laughing uproariously] Galadriel: [VO] But Melkor had come first. [Cut to Melkor.] Melkor: This is my kingdom, and I name it unto myself! [Pan back up from Almaren, north, to Illuin. See Melkor and his creatures around the base of the pillar of Illuin, which falls southwards to where the Great Lake can distantly be seen] Galadriel: [VO] Tulkas, greatest warrior of the Valar, gave chase… [Tulkas is seen running faster than the wind towards the north, along the wreck of the pillar] Galadriel: [VO] … but could not overtake him. [Melkor charges through the gates of Utumno and slams them in Tulkas' face] Galadriel: [VO] The Spring of Arda was ended. Having now no dwelling in Middle-earth, the Valar removed over the Western Sea, to the land of Valinor. [Shot, similar to establishing shot of the Valar, of the Valar appearing on a dark beach and walking forwards. Pan around to show the Pelóri, and the Calacirya] Galadriel: [VO] To replace the lamps, Yavanna grew the Two Trees, Laurelin… [Shot of Yavanna singing on the Corollairë while Nienna weeps beside her. Pan up and left to follow the growth of the Golden Tree, which reaches full height in a few seconds. She has light green leaves with golden edges, and golden flowers which glow with golden light] Galadriel: [VO] … and Telperion. [Pan across the sky to the Silver Tree. He has dark green leaves with silver undersides, and silver flowers which glow] Galadriel: [VO] Many ages passed; till the Valar were forced to turn their eyes eastwards once more. A new race was emerging in Middle-earth... [Varda stands atop Taniquetil and flings a bowl of glowing silver liquid out over the Sea. The dew separates into small sparks, and these fall into place as the familiar night sky] Galadriel: [VO] In that hour, by the lake of Cuiviénen, the elves, eldest of the Children of Ilúvatar, awoke.
Galadriel: [VO] Orome, hunter of the Valar purposed to lead all the Elves west, out of Middle-earth, to the blessed realm of Valinor. But there were many who would not go… [Shot of Oromë and Nahar amid an elven camp, watching the elves packing to leave. Pan back into the woods to see a small group fleeing eastwards] Galadriel: [VO] … and some of these Melkor captured, and corrupted, and from them he bred the race of orcs. [Shot of orcs in the caverns of Utumno] Galadriel: [VO] As the elves marched west, the Valar declared war on Melkor. Long was the siege of Utumno… [The elves pause their march to gaze north at pyrotechnic displays] Galadriel: [VO] … but in time the fortress was broken, and Tulkas cast down Melkor, and bound him with a great chain. [Shot of Tulkas wrestling with Melkor, and casting him down onto his face] [Pan away from Melkor in chains, into shadow] Galadriel: [VO] The Elves arrived in Valinor, and saw the light of the Trees… [The Vanyar and Noldor, led by Ingwë and Finwë, stand on the beach where the Valar arrived in Aman, golden light on their faces] Galadriel: [VO] … but there were some who lingered, unwilling to leave the lands of starlight. [Shot of elves moving in the trees under the stars] Galadriel: [VO] For many long years the Eldar lived at peace in Aman, and Míriel, wife of Finwë, High King of the Noldor, bore a son, Fëanor, in whom dwelt the fiercest spirit of any elf in the ancient days. [Shot of a weak-looking Míriel holding baby Fëanor] Galadriel: [VO] Her will to live lost, Míriel's spirit fled her body. [Shot of Míriel's body lying in the Gardens of Lórien] Galadriel: In this time of sorrow, Finwë gave his heart to another; Indis. But the Valar would not allow the Elvenking to have to living wives. So, to wed Indis, Finwë forsook the possibility that Míriel would ever change her mind and return to the house of her spirit. And so, the mortal body of Míriel withered and faded. [The body crumbles.] (Finwë and Indis embrace, but Fëanor is looking on.) … but Fëanor grew, and married. [Wedding of Nerdanel and Fëanor in Tirion] Galadriel: [VO]At last the time came for Melkor's case to be reopened. [… to the Ring of Doom, where the Valar are gathered in council. Melkor is knelt on the floor before them, still chained. MOVIE BEGINS]
What do people think?
|
|
|
Post by Huinesoron on Nov 23, 2005 14:24:56 GMT -5
Well, there's a couple of problems with wording - 'your song' rather than 'our song', I think, as Eru didn't do the singing, and a couple of others that I'll get down when I have the chance - but it seems to work. Good job.
|
|
|
Post by Maeglin on Nov 23, 2005 14:32:47 GMT -5
Ideally I want to reduce it by about a third.
Possible things that could go-the Second Theme, the reference to the creation of Orcs, the Indis plotline.
|
|
|
Post by Maeglin on Nov 23, 2005 14:42:08 GMT -5
Here's another heavily edited attempt. Prologue Eru: Mighty are the Ainur, and mightiest among them is Melkor. But that he may know, and all the Ainur, that I am Illuvatar. And no idea may be brought forth that hath not its uttermost source in me. [Darkness] Galadriel: [VO] The Ainur sang a great song before Ilúvatar; the greatest song of all. [All the Ainur are gathered before Eru. They begin to sing, like an orchestra of all instruments. Silm. says 'like unto harps and lutes, and pipes and trumpets, and viols and organs, and like unto countless choirs singing with words'] Galadriel: [VO] But into the heart of Melkor, mightiest of the Ainur, the thought came to interweave matters of his own devising, that were not in accord with the theme of Ilúvatar. Discord rose around him... [Ainulindalë. The largest of the Ainur, which is red, suddenly pulses with energy, and a discord breaks the music. Around Melkor the Ainur grow less bright. As some attune to his music, it grows louder, and their colours take on a reddish tint] [Eru flares, and the Second Theme starts up] Galadriel: [VO] In the midst of this strife Ilúvatar arose again, and in one chord, deeper than the Abyss, higher than the Firmament, piercing as the light in the eye of Ilúvatar, the Music ceased. [Eru pulses with a very bright light, almost washing out the Ainur. As he does, the two themes coincide on a final chord, and cease] Eru: Behold Arda. The new world. The fruit of all your song. [The Ainur cluster around a blue and green sphere, which flickers with change as they watch it]
Galadriel: [VO] The most powerful of the Ainur, the Valar, undertook to shape Arda according to Ilúvatar's designs. [Flyover shot. Sweep down over the mountains in the south, past the pillar of Ormal, and swiftly over the green lands of Arda, across the Great Lake, to Almaren, a green isle, where the Valar and Maiar walk. See Nessa dancing on the grass, and Tulkas watching and laughing uproariously] Galadriel: [VO] But Melkor had come first. [Cut to Melkor.] Melkor: This is my kingdom, and I name it unto myself! [Pan back up from Almaren, north, to Illuin. See Melkor and his creatures around the base of the pillar of Illuin, which falls southwards to where the Great Lake can distantly be seen] Galadriel: [VO] Tulkas, greatest warrior of the Valar, gave chase… [Tulkas is seen running faster than the wind towards the north, along the wreck of the pillar] Galadriel: [VO] … but could not overtake him. [Melkor charges through the gates of Utumno and slams them in Tulkas' face] Galadriel: [VO] The Spring of Arda was ended. Having now no dwelling in Middle-earth, the Valar removed over the Western Sea, to the land of Valinor... [Shot, similar to establishing shot of the Valar, of the Valar appearing on a dark beach and walking forwards. Pan around to show the Pelóri, and the Calacirya] Galadriel: [VO]...where Yavanna, Vala of the woods, grew the Two Trees, Laurelin… [Shot of Yavanna singing on the Corollairë while Nienna weeps beside her. Pan up and left to follow the growth of the Golden Tree, which reaches full height in a few seconds. She has light green leaves with golden edges, and golden flowers which glow with golden light] Galadriel: [VO] … and Telperion. [Pan across the sky to the Silver Tree. He has dark green leaves with silver undersides, and silver flowers which glow] Galadriel: [VO] Many ages passed; till the Valar were forced to turn their eyes eastwards once more. A new race was emerging in Middle-earth... [Varda stands atop Taniquetil and flings a bowl of glowing silver liquid out over the Sea. The dew separates into small sparks, and these fall into place as the familiar night sky] Galadriel: [VO] In that hour, by the lake of Cuiviénen, the elves, awoke.
Galadriel: [VO] Orome, hunter of the Valar purposed to lead all the Elves west, out of Middle-earth. But Melkor’s armies were mighty, and prepared to bar the journey of the Elves. [Shot of orcs swarming in the caverns of Utumno] Galadriel: [VO] As the elves marched west, the Valar declared war on Melkor. Long was the siege of Utumno… [The elves pause their march to gaze north at pyrotechnic displays] Galadriel: [VO] … but in time the fortress was broken, and Tulkas cast down Melkor, and bound him with a great chain. [Shot of Tulkas wrestling with Melkor, and casting him down onto his face] [Pan away from Melkor in chains, into shadow] Galadriel: [VO] The Elves arrived in Valinor, and saw the light of the Trees… [The Vanyar and Noldor, led by Ingwë and Finwë, stand on the beach where the Valar arrived in Aman, golden light on their faces] Galadriel: [VO] … but there were some who lingered, unwilling to leave the lands of starlight. [Shot of elves moving in the trees under the stars] Galadriel: [VO] For many long years the Eldar lived at peace in Aman, and Míriel, wife of Finwë, High King of the Noldor, bore a son, Fëanor, in whom dwelt the fiercest spirit of any elf in the ancient days. [Shot of a weak-looking Míriel holding baby Fëanor] Galadriel: [VO] Her will to live lost, Míriel's spirit fled her body. [Shot of Míriel's body lying in the Gardens of Lórien, then crumbling.] … but Fëanor grew, and married. [Wedding of Nerdanel and Fëanor in Tirion] Galadriel: [VO] At last the time came for Melkor's case to be reopened. [… to the Ring of Doom, where the Valar are gathered in council. Melkor is knelt on the floor before them, still chained. MOVIE BEGINS]
|
|
|
Post by Huinesoron on Nov 23, 2005 16:55:24 GMT -5
Well... the Second Theme is meant to be the bit that introduces the Children, but as we never made that clear... it still needs to be in, because otherwise it looks like Melkor won. And hey, I already cut the Third Theme. One /major/ quibble with the latest version - 'Yavanna, Vala of the Woods'. It sounds so /wrong/, but I can't think of a better phrase... -- oh, and, sigh, while we're editing, it should be said... Telperion was the eldest of the Trees. We should probably switch them round in order of their appearence on-screen so that he comes first. I know that's my error from the beginning, but I like Laurelin more. Other than that, it's worth mentioning that things which don't get into the prologue - like the Indis bit, for example - can in some cases be entered into the film itself. Indis is already in there, and her backstory is fairly explained. Will wait expectantly for the next version, of course.
|
|
|
Post by Maeglin on Nov 24, 2005 6:34:22 GMT -5
The Second Theme still happens visually and in the music. Does it need to be explained? It's obvious that the Big Powers are fighting, that's all we have to get across...
|
|
|
Post by Huinesoron on Nov 25, 2005 6:03:00 GMT -5
Yeah, it's not all that necessary to explain it, but it does need to stay in in some form.
|
|
|
Post by Maeglin on Nov 26, 2005 9:24:31 GMT -5
Prologue Eru: Mighty are the Ainur, and mightiest among them is Melkor. But that he may know, and all the Ainur, that I am Illuvatar. And no idea may be brought forth that hath not its uttermost source in me. [Darkness] Galadriel: [VO] The Ainur sang a great song before Ilúvatar; the greatest song of all. [All the Ainur are gathered before Eru. They begin to sing, like an orchestra of all instruments. Silm. says 'like unto harps and lutes, and pipes and trumpets, and viols and organs, and like unto countless choirs singing with words'] Galadriel: [VO] But into the heart of Melkor, mightiest of the Ainur, the thought came to interweave matters of his own devising, that were not in accord with the theme of Ilúvatar. Discord rose around him... [Ainulindalë. The largest of the Ainur, which is red, suddenly pulses with energy, and a discord breaks the music. Around Melkor the Ainur grow less bright. As some attune to his music, it grows louder, and their colours take on a reddish tint] Galadriel: But Ilúvatar fought against it. [Eru flares, and the Second Theme starts up] Galadriel: [VO] In the midst of this strife Ilúvatar arose again, and in one chord, deeper than the Abyss, higher than the Firmament, piercing as the light in the eye of Ilúvatar, the Music ceased. [Eru pulses with a very bright light, almost washing out the Ainur. As he does, the two themes coincide on a final chord, and cease] Eru: Behold Arda. The new world. The fruit of all your song. [The Ainur cluster around a blue and green sphere, which flickers with change as they watch it]
Galadriel: [VO] The most powerful of the Ainur, the Valar, undertook to shape Arda according to Ilúvatar's designs. [Flyover shot. Sweep down over the mountains in the south, past the pillar of Ormal, and swiftly over the green lands of Arda, across the Great Lake, to Almaren, a green isle, where the Valar and Maiar walk. See Nessa dancing on the grass, and Tulkas watching and laughing uproariously] Galadriel: [VO] But Melkor had come first. [Cut to Melkor.] Melkor: This is my kingdom, and I name it unto myself! [Pan back up from Almaren, north, to Illuin. See Melkor and his creatures around the base of the pillar of Illuin, which falls southwards to where the Great Lake can distantly be seen] Galadriel: [VO] Tulkas, greatest warrior of the Valar, gave chase… [Tulkas is seen running faster than the wind towards the north, along the wreck of the pillar] Galadriel: [VO] … but could not overtake him. [Melkor charges through the gates of Utumno and slams them in Tulkas' face] Galadriel: [VO] The Spring of Arda was ended. Having now no dwelling in Middle-earth, the Valar removed over the Western Sea, to the land of Valinor... [Shot, similar to establishing shot of the Valar, of the Valar appearing on a dark beach and walking forwards. Pan around to show the Pelóri, and the Calacirya] Galadriel: [VO]...where Yavanna, Vala of the forests, grew the Two Trees, Laurelin… [Shot of Yavanna singing on the Corollairë while Nienna weeps beside her. Pan up and left to follow the growth of the Golden Tree, which reaches full height in a few seconds. She has light green leaves with golden edges, and golden flowers which glow with golden light] Galadriel: [VO] … and Telperion. [Pan across the sky to the Silver Tree. He has dark green leaves with silver undersides, and silver flowers which glow] Galadriel: [VO] Many ages passed; till the Valar were forced to turn their eyes eastwards once more. A new race was emerging in Middle-earth... [Varda stands atop Taniquetil and flings a bowl of glowing silver liquid out over the Sea. The dew separates into small sparks, and these fall into place as the familiar night sky] Galadriel: [VO] In that hour, by the lake of Cuiviénen, the elves awoke.
Galadriel: [VO] Orome, hunter of the Valar purposed to lead all the Elves west, out of Middle-earth. But Melkor’s armies were mighty, and prepared to bar the journey of the Elves. [Shot of orcs swarming in the caverns of Utumno] Galadriel: [VO] As the elves marched west, the Valar declared war on Melkor. Long was the siege of Utumno… [The elves pause their march to gaze north at pyrotechnic displays] Galadriel: [VO] … but in time the fortress was broken, and Tulkas cast down Melkor, and bound him with a great chain. [Shot of Tulkas wrestling with Melkor, and casting him down onto his face] [Pan away from Melkor in chains, into shadow] Galadriel: [VO] The Elves arrived in Valinor, and saw the light of the Trees… [The Vanyar and Noldor, led by Ingwë and Finwë, stand on the beach where the Valar arrived in Aman, golden light on their faces] Galadriel: [VO] … but there were some who lingered, unwilling to leave the lands of starlight. [Shot of elves moving in the trees under the stars] Galadriel: [VO] For many long years the Eldar lived at peace in Aman, and Míriel, wife of Finwë, High King of the Noldor, bore a son, Fëanor, in whom dwelt the fiercest spirit of any elf in the ancient days. [Shot of a weak-looking Míriel holding baby Fëanor] Galadriel: [VO] Her will to live lost, Míriel's spirit fled her body... [Shot of Míriel's body lying in the Gardens of Lórien, then crumbling.] … but Fëanor grew, and married. [Feanor and Nerdanel hand in hand.] Galadriel: [VO] At last the time came for Melkor's case to be reopened. [… to the Ring of Doom, where the Valar are gathered in council. Melkor is knelt on the floor before them, still chained. MOVIE BEGINS]
That's my final attempt, I think. If you still want to tweak, go ahead, but don't add anything-we should cut, not prolong...
It's about a third shorter than it was in its original form, but even more gone would be great...
It should also be noted that adopting Berserker's prologue unchanged would half its length, but that prologue is imperfect in several ways. Perhaps I should try using it as a base to experiment...
|
|
|
Post by Huinesoron on Nov 27, 2005 12:06:53 GMT -5
Prologue Eru: Mighty are the Ainur, but I am Ilúvatar, and no idea may be brought forth that hath not its uttermost source in me. [Eru and the Ainur appear from the darkness as an array of bright lights, faintly tinted in many colours, although Ilúvatar, the largest, is white. They are singing the Ainulindalë (Silm. says 'like unto harps and lutes, and pipes and trumpets, and viols and organs, and like unto countless choirs singing with words')] Galadriel: [VO] The Ainur sang a great song before Ilúvatar; the greatest song of all. For a long time all was well, but Melkor, mightiest of the Ainur, interwove matters of his own thought into the music. Discord rose around him... [Ainulindalë. The largest of the Ainur, which is red, suddenly pulses with energy, and a discord breaks the music. Around Melkor the Ainur grow less bright. As some attune to his music, it grows louder, and their colours take on a reddish tint] Galadriel: … but Ilúvatar strove against it. [Eru flares, and the Second Theme starts up] Galadriel: [VO] In the midst of the strife Ilúvatar arose, and in one chord, deeper than the Abyss, higher than the Firmament, piercing as the light in the eye of Ilúvatar, the Music ceased. [Eru pulses with a very bright light, almost washing out the Ainur. As he does, the two themes coincide on a final chord – the choral parts, if there are any, end on 'Eä' - and cease] Eru: Behold Arda, the World That Is, the fruit of your song. [The Ainur cluster around a blue and green sphere, which flickers with change as they watch it. Several of them break off from the cloud of light and fly down towards it. Cut to:] Galadriel: [VO] The most powerful of the Ainur, the Valar, undertook to shape Arda according to Ilúvatar's designs. [Flyover shot. Sweep over the plains to the south, past the pillar of Ormal, and swiftly over the green lands of Arda, across the Great Lake, to Almaren, a green isle, where the Valar and Maiar walk. See Nessa dancing on the grass, and Tulkas watching and laughing uproariously. Cut to Melkor standing on the Iron Mountains] Melkor: This is my kingdom, and I name it unto myself! [Cut to Illuin. See Melkor and his creatures around the base of the pillar, which falls southwards to where the Great Lake can distantly be seen] Galadriel: [VO] Tulkas, greatest warrior of the Valar, gave chase, but could not overtake Melkor. [Melkor charges through the gates of Utumno and slams them in Tulkas' face. Perhaps this shot could be from inside Utumno, so we see Tulkas heading towards us, and behind him the ruin of Middle-earth] Galadriel: [VO] The Spring of Arda was ended. The Valar removed over the Western Sea, to the land of Valinor... [Shot, similar to establishing shot of the Valar, of the Valar appearing on a dark beach and walking forwards. Pan around to show the Pelóri, and the Calacirya] Galadriel: [VO]...where Yavanna, the Earthqueen, grew the Two Trees, Telperion… [Shot of Yavanna singing on the Corollairë while Nienna weeps beside her. Pan up and left to follow the growth of the Silver Tree, which reaches full height in a few seconds. He has dark green leaves with silver undersides, and silver flowers which glow] Galadriel: [VO] … and Laurelin. [Pan across the sky to the Golden Tree. She has light green leaves with golden edges, and golden flowers which glow with golden light] Galadriel: [VO] Many ages passed, until a new race emerged in Middle-earth. [Varda stands atop Taniquetil and flings a bowl of glowing silver liquid out over the Sea. The dew separates into small sparks, and these fall into place as the familiar night sky] Galadriel: [VO] By the lake of Cuiviénen, the elves awoke. [Pan down from the sky to a lake side, trees in the background. Beneath the trees are gathered a small group of Eldar in simple white robes. They sit around a fire, singing. There may be a harp playing simple music, too] Galadriel: [VO] Oromë, hunter of the Valar, purposed to lead the Elves over the Sea to Valinor, but Melkor prepared to assail them. [Shot of orcs swarming in the caverns of Utumno] Galadriel: [VO] As the elves marched west, the Valar declared war on Melkor. Long was the siege of Utumno… [The elves pause their march to gaze north at pyrotechnic displays] Galadriel: [VO] … but in time the fortress was broken, and Tulkas cast down Melkor, and bound him with a great chain. [Shot of Tulkas wrestling with Melkor, and casting him down onto his face] [Pan away from Melkor in chains, into shadow] Galadriel: [VO] The Elves arrived in Valinor… [The Vanyar and Noldor, led by Ingwë and Finwë, stand on the beach where the Valar arrived in Aman, golden light on their faces] Galadriel: [VO] … but there were some who lingered, unwilling to leave the lands of starlight. [Shot of elves moving in the trees under the stars] Galadriel: [VO] For many long years the Elves lived at peace in Aman, and Míriel, wife of Finwë, High King of the Noldor, bore a son, Fëanor. [Shot of a weak-looking Míriel holding baby Fëanor] Galadriel: [VO] Her energy spent in this act of creation, Míriel's spirit fled her body... [Shot of Míriel's body lying in the Gardens of Lórien, then crumbling.] … but Fëanor grew, and married. [Feanor and Nerdanel hand in hand.] Galadriel: [VO] Ages passed, and the time came for Melkor's case to be reopened. [Cut to the Ring of Doom, where the Valar are gathered in council. Melkor is knelt on the floor before them, still chained. MOVIE BEGINS]
~~~~
Not much editing, but some of the narration has been trimmed or cut. It /looks/ the same length, but part of that is because I've taken the opportunity to throw in a little extra description.
Yes, it could be cut further, but to do so would require the loss of some of the plot, as far as I can see. Actually, how long /is/ it?
~~~~
Eru: Mighty are the Ainur, but I am Ilúvatar, and no idea may be brought forth that hath not its uttermost source in me. Galadriel: [VO] The Ainur sang a great song before Ilúvatar; the greatest song of all. For a long time all was well, but Melkor, mightiest of the Ainur, interwove matters of his own thought into the music. Discord rose around him... Galadriel: … but Ilúvatar strove against it. Galadriel: [VO] In the midst of the strife Ilúvatar arose, and in one chord, deeper than the Abyss, higher than the Firmament, piercing as the light in the eye of Ilúvatar, the Music ceased. Eru: Behold Arda, the World That Is, the fruit of your song. Galadriel: [VO] The most powerful of the Ainur, the Valar, undertook to shape Arda according to Ilúvatar's designs. Melkor: This is my kingdom, and I name it unto myself! Galadriel: [VO] Tulkas, greatest warrior of the Valar, gave chase, but could not overtake Melkor. Galadriel: [VO] The Spring of Arda was ended. The Valar removed over the Western Sea, to the land of Valinor... Galadriel: [VO]...where Yavanna, the Earthqueen, grew the Two Trees, Telperion… Galadriel: [VO] … and Laurelin. Galadriel: [VO] Many ages passed, until a new race emerged in Middle-earth. Galadriel: [VO] By the lake of Cuiviénen, the elves awoke. Galadriel: [VO] Oromë, hunter of the Valar, purposed to lead the Elves over the Sea to Valinor, but Melkor prepared to assail them. Galadriel: [VO] As the elves marched west, the Valar declared war on Melkor. Long was the siege of Utumno… Galadriel: [VO] … but in time the fortress was broken, and Tulkas cast down Melkor, and bound him with a great chain. Galadriel: [VO] The Elves arrived in Valinor… Galadriel: [VO] … but there were some who lingered, unwilling to leave the lands of starlight. Galadriel: [VO] For many long years the Elves lived at peace in Aman, and Míriel, wife of Finwë, High King of the Noldor, bore a son, Fëanor. Galadriel: [VO] Her energy spent in this act of creation, Míriel's spirit fled her body... … but Fëanor grew, and married. Galadriel: [VO] Ages passed, and the time came for Melkor's case to be reopened.
~~~~~
That's with all the directions cut out. It's not really all that long. (And yes, this is slightly deceptive - some of the shots, like the title screen, take time. But an awful lot of them take place underneath the spoken lines).
|
|