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Post by Maeglin on May 1, 2005 3:26:46 GMT -5
SCENE 47
(Beren and Luthien are fleeing down the passageway. Dramatic music plays.)
BEREN: This corridor seems to be unguarded.
LUTHIEN: It must have been reserved for the Balrogs...but save your breath for running. My sleeping enchantments can't last forever...
(We cut to a group of Orcs in a guard room, sleeping on the floor. One is blearily beginning to rise. We cut to a vast cave. Glaurung is lying on his hoard. He opens one eye. We cut to the throneroom. Morgoth stirs, more energetically this time...we cut back to Beren and Luthien, in the first antechamber now.)
LUTHIEN: There's the gate...we're almost free...
(They run through the Gate of Angband. Suddenly there is a terrible snarl and Carcharoth springs before them.)
LUTHIEN: Manwe...have mercy...I am spent...
(Beren holds the Silmaril before Carcharoth. Carcharoth quails for a moment.)
BEREN: Get you gone! Fly! Here is a fire that will consume you, and all evil things!
CARCHAROTH: Such...hunger...
(He lunges forward and bites off Beren's hand at the wrist, with the Silmaril, but not the ring of Felagund.)
CARCHAROTH: It...sates me...no! I was not...made...for this agony...(He howls and screams horrifically, running far away into the distance. Beren grows pale and swoons backwards, almost within the gate. Luthien kneels, looking at the stump.)
LUTHIEN: I shall draw out the venom...(She kisses the black wound, and it becomes slightly lighter.)
VOICE OF MORGOTH: (booming) Awake! All of you, upon the elf-scum at the gate! She has my jewel!
(A sound of pounding feet. Luthien looks up in despair.)
LUTHIEN: Manwe...(Three small shapes come into view. They grow rapidly larger.) Manwe? (They are clearly three vast Eagles.) Manwe!
(Smaller Balrogs and Orcs charge into the antechamber. The volume of music rises. Will the Eagles or the Orcs reach Luthien first? The Eagles do, by a hair's breadth. The largest, Thorondor, hurls himself at the horde, flapping his wings and flailing his claws. Another bears up Beren. Luthien mounts the back of the third. Thangorodrim, high above Angband, smokes and roars, but the Eagles soar away.)
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Post by Maeglin on May 5, 2005 11:47:18 GMT -5
SCENE 48
(We are in a dark, cloudy sky which becomes clearer as the Eagles fly out of the Anfauglith and Morgoth's realm.)
LUTHIEN: You have brought aid unlooked for, undreamt of, unexpected...
LUTHIEN'S EAGLE: Why so? You invoked the name of our King, Manwe, Lord of the Breath of Arda.
THORONDOR: Besides, daughter of Thingol, have you not heard the story of Fingolfin?
LUTHIEN: I heard that he wounded Morgoth, but was slain...
THORONDOR: Aye, to my sorrow. His body was quite broken. But we did not leave it to be defiled by creatures of Morgoth. We answered the bidding of Manwe, and flew leagues, across skies untold, to the Anfauglith where Morgoth had his triumph...the same plain we have just left behind.
(Cut to Morgoth crushing Fingolfin.)
MORGOTH: There is an end to that. Trample this fool's corpse till nothing remains of it...
(Three eagles soar out of the sky, led by Thorondor. Morgoth frowns.)
MORGOTH: Manwe, my brother, you are too young in this. You expect a flock of birds to make Arda's true king quail?
(Thorondor dives straight down at Morgoth, unflinching, and claws his face. The Dark Lord recoils, screaming in pain. The other two Eagles seize Fingolfin's body, and the three fly away. Cut back to the Eagles carrying Beren and Luthien.)
THORONDOR: Beren was just as valiant as the High King Fingolfin in his struggle against Morgoth. He too deserves a clean burial.
LUTHIEN: (wailing) He is not dead! He cannot be...
BEREN'S EAGLE: I feel no rush of warmth in him. The Father of All Things has received him now.
LUTHIEN: No!
(Just then, we see the gleaming white towers of Gondolin, ringed with mountains. Luthien is silent for a while.)
THORONDOR: The city of Gondolin, ruled by Turgon, the son of Fingolfin. To that place of beauty we bore back the fallen king.
LUTHIEN: An elven city of such loveliness, flourishing on Morgoth's very threshold? How can it be?
LUTHIEN'S EAGLE: Many things are not as they seem, daughter of Melian.
LUTHIEN: Then perhaps there is still some hope in this sorry world...
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Post by Maeglin on May 6, 2005 9:11:06 GMT -5
SCENE 49
(The forest of Neldoreth. Mablung and five other Elven messengers are riding through the woods.)
MABLUNG: We will take the road through the lands of Himlad. That is the most direct and safest way, guarded by the watchful servants of Maedhros...
(A terrible roar interrupts him.)
ELVEN MESSENGER: What is that?
MABLUNG: It sounds like a great wolf...but how could it have passed the Girdle of Queen Melian?
(The growl sounds again, and then Carcharoth charges unstoppably into the middle of the column, leaping on one of the horses, and dispatching its rider with a deep bite to the throat. The horse crumbles beneath the beast's weight.)
MABLUNG: Ware! Ware!
(The Elves ride back, readying themselves to turn and spit the wolf on their spears. One stays where he is, blowing a hunting horn. Carcharoth rips his horse's head off, and he falls. The Red Maw leaps on his back and starts to feast.)
MABLUNG: Take it now!
(The four riders charge the wolf, but their spear wounds are only light and enrage the creature further. The spears shatter. Carcharoth bounds forward again, and the horses go wild, refusing to hold. Mablung's is swiftest; he grits his teeth as he stays in the saddle.)
MABLUNG: No wolf can be this powerful...there is some other strength within it...
(Another rider falls and is devoured with a sickening sound. Carcharoth howls, then continues his pursuit. The last messenger leaps from his mount into a tree; Carcharoth snarls and pushes its trunk over, leaping on his latest victim. Mablung ducks and weaves, riding in a curved pattern, and at last escapes, alone of his company.)
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Post by Maeglin on May 10, 2005 12:21:44 GMT -5
SCENE 50
(The Eagles are flying over the trees of Doriath. Slow, sad music plays.)
LUTHIEN: There it is...the glade where I first saw him.
THORONDOR: Set them down there. Luthien...I wish you well in your sorrow, and mourn your loss. Your tale will be told in our high eyries of Crissaegrim.
LUTHIEN: An ill lot is upon us, that our labours only make us into sources of song.
THORONDOR: Truly? I would account it a purer immortality than any of the Elves will know, a higher summit than any Eagle can reach. Brethren-set them down.
(The Eagles lay down Beren and land so Luthien can dismount.)
THORONDOR: Away now! To the clouds!
(Luthien watches the Eagles until they are gone. Then she falls on Beren, weeping. There is a whimper behind her. She turns. It is Huan.)
LUTHIEN: O, faithful hound, loving guardian, unswerving friend, there is nothing we can do for Beren now. He has found his swift and bitter death.
(Huan pads determinedly up and licks Beren's face. Luthien looks over them tearfully.)
(Cut to Beren, deathly pale, walking through a dark corridor into a crowded hall. Throngs of others are about him. Many are faces we have seen before, listless, resigned.)
HATHALDIR: Beren...
BARAGUND: Welcome, cousin.
GORLIM: I thought you'd last longer...
BARAHIR: Come to me, boy.
EILINIEL: A table is set with food of the dead.
BREGOLAS: The company has been small of late...
ALL OF THEM: (chanting) Come among us. Share our bread. Drink wine of dark oblivion. Forget...
(Hathaldir passes Beren a drinking horn. He puts it to his lips. Huan's head materialises, larger even than life, spilling the wine.)
GORLIM: (savagely) You have no place here! (He clouts Huan and the vision retreats.) This is reality now, Beren...
BARAHIR: Are you not glad to see us? To dwell with us, in peace and rest at last? (Beren slowly nods.)
VOICE OF LUTHIEN: Ai Elbereth! Gilthoniel!
(The Shades cower back as Luthien strides into the hall. She seizes Beren's arm and drags him out.)
BEREN: (sleepily) No, leave me alone, leave me with father...
LUTHIEN: I...will...not...
(We cut to daylight, with Beren waking, Luthien pulling him up and Huan watching by him. Beren stares around, and strokes Huan's head.)
BEREN: I...I think it is spring again.
LUTHIEN: It is, my lord. It is.
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Post by Huinesoron on May 10, 2005 13:45:56 GMT -5
Whoa, whoa, you're going to lose /everyone/ with that. You've spent the last few scenes telling them he's dead, and then he wakes up? What just happened?
Maybe you're going to explain it, but right now, I'm just baffled. At the moment, it looks like the result of a really badly-implemented plot-change halfway through the writing. I know it /isn't/, because I know the story, but...
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Post by Maeglin on May 10, 2005 14:01:40 GMT -5
Yup, you're right. I was trying to skirt another of these accursed Luthien resurrection songs, and it didn't work. Hold your horses. I think I have an idea.
Halfway through that, I could cut to Beren lost in a twilight world, surrounded by spirits, growing darker, and then Luthien hauling him out.
That or I could do another of those rather feeble "Luthien sings an amazing song which I'm not skilled enough to write" stage directions...I'll try the "Harrowing of Hell" option.
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Post by Maeglin on May 11, 2005 12:19:26 GMT -5
SCENE 51
(Cut to Beren and Luthien walking together through the forest.)
VO OF ELROND: Thereafter Beren was called the one-handed; and suffering was graven on his face. Yet he lived again. Huan, Hound of Valinor, left once more as the lovers slept; and so they travelled back to Menegroth and the palace of Thingol alone.
(Lyrical music plays quietly.)
LUTHIEN: Would that we could wander in the wild, and forget our cares. If we go on, Beren, I fear happiness will escape us again.
BEREN: We Men do not set the will of fathers at nothing, Luthien. And besides...
(Flashback to Beren before the court of Thingol.)
BEREN: You have not looked your last on Beren, son of Barahir.
(Cut back to the present.)
BEREN: (regretfully) I have promises to keep.
(Cut to Menegroth. Thingol and Melian are alone, talking.)
MELIAN: Beleg sends word, lord, that the western marches are secured. No enemy can dare threaten Doriath now.
THINGOL: Are you so sure? Besides, what are we defending? Ourselves? We are nothing. Daeron, the voice of the trees, and Luthien, the radiance of the forest, are both lost. No, my queen; ill times have fallen upon our realm. Can you not counsel me?
MELIAN: You wove this doom yourself. You stirred the Oath of Feanor; and its appointed end is far off yet. I have no counsel.
VOICE OF LUTHIEN: But I do...
(Luthien, and then Beren, enter the throne room. They are followed by a great crowd of jubilant courtiers, including Celeborn and Galadriel. Instinctively, Thingol and Melian ascend their thrones. There are tears in Melian's eyes. Beren takes Luthien's hand, and they walk ceremonially before the thrones, kneeling as before. Then they were in finery; now they are travel-worn, and Luthien is wrapped in her enchanted cloak.)
THINGOL: (to Beren) I thought you long dead, with Finrod Felagund...
BEREN: Did I not say I would return, Lord King? I am come now to claim my own.
THINGOL: What of your quest? What of your vow?
BEREN: (simply) It is fulfilled.
THINGOL: What? (The court are similarly amazed. Melian looks terrified.)
BEREN: Even now a Silmaril is...is in my hand.
THINGOL: Show it to me!
(There is utter silence as Beren holds out his left hand, and slowly opens it-empty.)
THINGOL: Do not jest with Elu Thingol!
(Beren holds up his right arm. Folds of cloth fall back, and his bandaged stump is revealed.)
BEREN: You see, I am quite empty-handed.
(Pause.)
THINGOL: I have never spoken with any man save you, son of Barahir. But you seem unlike all others, mortal, or Elven. This love is a thing at once strange, and yet known to me, for I have felt it myself. It cannot be gainsaid.
(He rises. All the courtiers kneel.)
THINGOL: In the names of Manwe and Varda on high Taniquetil, I give my daughter Luthien to Beren, son of Barahir, and bless their union with all my strength.
(There is cheering. Someone starts to strum a tune. A ring of dancing is formed, dancers thronging through Menegroth. We cut to the gates of Menegroth, guarded by a pair of Sindarin warriors. A rider, exhausted, approaches them. It is Mablung.)
MABLUNG: For pity's sake! Let me through! I must speak to the King...
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Post by Huinesoron on May 11, 2005 13:58:14 GMT -5
WOO! ERCHAMION!
-- what? I like that bit, okae? And you pulled it off well.
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Post by Maeglin on May 11, 2005 14:40:25 GMT -5
Good. I changed the sequence of events slightly, so Mablung becomes the "fly in the ointment"...
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Post by Maeglin on May 19, 2005 11:00:34 GMT -5
SCENE 52
(Another chamber of Menegroth-the council room. Luthien and Melian, for all their power and wisdom, are absent now. War is not their field. Thingol sits at the head of the table. Beren is on his right. Also seated are Beleg Strongbow, Mablung of the Heavy Hand, and Celeborn.)
MABLUNG: It is clear, Beren, that the wolf that slew my companions is the same as the wolf that bit off your hand.
CELEBORN: How could it have breached Queen Melian's enchantments?
BEREN: How did Carcharoth breach the Girdle? You might as well ask how I did. Fate, strong doom was upon us. It would seem that though I have won my love, Eru who rules above is not finished with me yet.
THINGOL: Besides, the beast Carcharoth has consumed a Silmaril. The power within those jewels comes from the Valar, and my Queen cannot strive against it.
BEREN: Indeed. It's almost too obvious, as if it was written in the stars.
BELEG: What do you mean?
BEREN: My quest is not over yet, Beleg. I must see that wolf slain, and take the Silmaril from its belly. I must fulfill my vow truly.
THINGOL: Come now, Beren...my son...I hold your vow utterly redeemed. You need not have any part in this. You have suffered enough.
BEREN: I need not? Nay, Sire, I must. How can I lie in idle safety while my friends go out to die? What would my father say to that? What would Finrod Felagund, who gave his life for mine, say to such cowardice?
(Cut to Beren and Luthien, in Luthien's bedchamber. Luthien is sitting on the bed, while Beren stands fully armed before her.)
LUTHIEN: Am I so hideous, Beren? So repulsive that you must constantly leave my side? Continually court death, solitary death, while I stay behind?
BEREN: Luthien, one day I must leave you behind, whatever happens. That you cannot change. But I would rather die once in glory than skulk in silk and die a thousand deaths. Besides, this time, Luthien...
LUTHIEN: What?
BEREN: I will come back. I swear it.
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Elcalion
Moriquendi
Lord of Harlindon
Posts: 5
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Post by Elcalion on May 21, 2005 5:42:43 GMT -5
Hi I've just finished reading through the Leithian/Luthien script and have a few comments/suggestions...
First up, I think it's a great script overall - well written and powerful and I think it will work well on screen!
I just had a few comments about some scenes, which you may freely ignore...I tend to go into instant beta-reader mode when reading new material! Also, I haven't worked out how to quote yet, so i'll just type it out...
Scene 13
I am your father, girl. I must be obeyed by you. I... - Thingol has three very short sentences here, all starting with 'I'...Also, the second sentence sounds a little clumsy - which is fine if you're trying to have Thingol sound a bit formal/archaic - but maybe something along the lines of "you must obey me" is more immediate and might work better on screen. Minor nitpick, all things considered.
Scene 17
This scene (especially) is brilliant - Curufin is really shining in this one!
Scene 19
Possible Canon-watch here... Something to check with hS at least - I was under the impression that vampires in the Tolkien sense weren't bloodsuckers... (I hope not at least...I used that as a charge in the fic I'm PPCing at the moment, where Thuringwethil is somehow still alive in the Third Age!)
Scene 32
"...unless you yield to me the mastery of thy tower!"
No nitpick here, just my favourite line in the Silm, and it's in... Yay!
Scene 40
"a gleaming read flame atop a dark mountain"
I'm assuming this is a typo for red?
Scene 51
"I have never spoken with any man, but you" I'm fairly sure there should be no comma here, and "no man save you" perhaps fits better with Thingol's manner of speech (and is technically accurate, anyway)
"This love is a thing new, strange, and yet known to me, for I have felt it myself. It cannot be gainsaid."
A little clumsy. Maybe "This love is a thing at once strange and yet known to me, for I have felt it myself."
Scene 52:
"BEREN: Indeed. It's almost too obvious, as if it was written the stars." -
"...as if written in the stars" ?
I think that it's a great script, and I've got a few ideas about music for it, too! Feel free to ignore if you don't like the suggestions...
Elcalion
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Post by Maeglin on May 21, 2005 7:09:32 GMT -5
Thanks a lot, Elcalion. I love to be proofread...I've missed Elennar. I will consider all of your suggestions and implement most...
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Post by Huinesoron on May 21, 2005 9:31:37 GMT -5
Re: Scene 19. As far as I'm aware, no, Thuringwethil wasn't a bloodsucker. As I said somewhere else, the only reason she'd be sucking your blood is if she'd just finished chewing through your chest. Although, now I come to think of it, she'd be more likely to use those lovely iron claws for that sort of thing...
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Post by Maeglin on May 25, 2005 4:56:39 GMT -5
SCENE 53
(We see a party of five riders trotting through the woods of Doriath. They are Thingol, Beren, Mablung, Beleg, and Celeborn.)
VO OF ELROND: And so the Hunting of Carcharoth was begun; of all pursuit of beasts of which the tales speak the most perilous.
(We close up on the hunters. A barking is heard, and Huan emerges from the bushes.)
BELEG: Ware!
BEREN: That is no wolf, but the saviour of my life. Be glad, for Huan, Hound of Valinor, has joined our hunt! No wolf can resist him.
CELEBORN: (quietly) No wolf but one.
THINGOL: The Hound is welcome indeed. Now we must press on. The scouts report the wolf crossed the river Esgalduin...
(We cut to a waterfall of the Esgalduin. Carcharoth creeps from the bushes, giving out a piercing howl, and then plunges his head into the water. We cut back to the hunters, by the river's bank.)
MABLUNG: That is its howl.
BELEG: It came from the torrent up ahead.
(Huan starts to bay.)
THINGOL: Dismount, friends. We will leave the horses here and continue to the waterfall.
(Cut to the waterfall. Carcharoth is nowhere to be seen. The five hunters, spears in hands, except Beleg who has his bow, take positions around the pool. Beren restrains Huan, who is whining.)
BEREN: Now we must watch...until it shows itself.
(Cut to the pool. Night has fallen. The moon shines, illuminating the scene.)
CELEBORN: Could it have escaped?
BEREN: No. Huan still senses it...he is impatient...
(Huan starts to growl with unexpected ferocity. Beren steps back. Huan leaps into the undergrowth, but a terrible snarl answers him as Carcharoth veers out of the bushes, avoiding him, and leaps on Thingol.)
BELEG: The King is attacked!
BEREN: Wolf...it is I you have business with tonight.
(He lunges with his spear, and Carcharoth recoils, releasing Thingol. The wolf pauses-then charges, smashing the spear to pieces and biting at Beren's breast. Beren falls. There is another baying as Huan splashes through the pool, leaping on Carcharoth. They fall into the shallow water, grappling.)
BELEG: My lord, are you hurt?
THINGOL: Scarcely at all. Look to Beren...it bit him at the heart...his need is dire...
(There is a hideous growl as Carcharoth expires. Huan, covered in blackened wounds, drags his corpse out of the pool, limping towards Beren.)
HUAN: No riddles this time. Farewell, friend.
(Beren smiles weakly and pats his head. Huan collapses. Beren's expression hardens. Mablung feels his pulse.)
MABLUNG: His heartbeat fails. He will die...as mortals do. Alas.
BELEG: Man or Elf, I never saw courage like his.
MABLUNG: Wait.
(He runs to the corpse of the wolf, draws a knife and slashes its belly. We see it close up; the wolf's insides are embers and ashes, and at their centre is Beren's hand, gripping the Silmaril. Mablung reaches forward and touches the hand. It too crumbles to dust. He lifts up the Silmaril, and puts it in Beren's hand. Beren smiles.)
BEREN: (holding the jewel above him) Take it, Thingol. Now is the quest achieved...and my doom full wrought.
(Thingol has tears in his eyes as he takes it. Beren closes his eyes.)
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Post by Huinesoron on May 25, 2005 5:18:46 GMT -5
[Waves hand] Question... how's Luthien going to tell him to wait for her if he's already dead when he gets back?
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