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Post by Huinesoron on Dec 13, 2004 17:27:52 GMT -5
Got fed up of all the separate threads, and I imagine you did to, so I'll stick them all in one, starting with...
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Scene 8: House in Valmar
[Nerdanel is talking to Maedhros. In the background, Fëanor is sitting with Maglor, poring over a sheet of paper covered in Tengwar. This is, in fact, a song of the Silmarils, which Maglor has just written. The other Sons of Fëanor are present, lounging about the room, playing board games, etcetera] Nerdanel: He did what? Maedhros: It wasn't that serious, mother... Nerdanel: Oh, it wasn't? [Shouting] Fëanor! [Everyone in the room looks at her, except… pan across to Fëanor and Maglor, who are oblivious to Nerdanel. Maglor is plucking strings on his harp] Fëanor: No... no... no... yes, that's it! [Maglor stops plucking strings] That's uncanny. How did you manage to get the sound of a hammer on a pearl so accurate? Maglor: It's set in the tuning 'Gemstones', so it was really only a matter of time. Fëanor: Amazing. [Glances back at Maedhros, and sees Nerdanel glaring in his direction. He turns back to Maglor, speaking quickly] But yes, well done. Just keep working on that, and I'll come over and help again when I've spoken to your mother. [Maglor nods, having already begun picking out a simple tune on the harp. This should continue playing in the background of the scene, growing slowly more complex. Fëanor stands, and walks over to Nerdanel, followed by the camera] Fëanor: Did you want something, Nerdanel? Nerdanel: Maedhros has told me of your little stunt, Fëanor, and quite frankly, I'm amazed you didn't—<br>[She is cut off by a knock at the door. Fëanor looks over at it, and then back at Nerdanel. When the knock is repeated, she sighs and nods. Fëanor walks over and answers the door. Fëanor: I'm sorry, but- oh. Hello, Lord Melkor. [Everyone in the room freezes and looks at the door, except the oblivious Maglor. There is a frosty attitude – it's obvious that no one here, not even Nerdanel, likes Melkor at all. Fëanor takes a few steps back, and Melkor steps into the room] Melkor: Ah, so the family's all here. Wonderful, absolutely wonderful. Fëanor: [Tersely] Did you want something? Melkor: What? No, just dropped by for a chat, really. Fëanor: Well, you can- Melkor: [Cutting him off] Speaking of family, I saw your two brothers a moment ago. [Fëanor tenses] Fëanor: They are not my brothers. Melkor: [Looks surprised] No? The way they were acting, they seemed to think your father considers them as close to his heart as yourself. Perhaps I was mistaken. Fëanor: Get out. Melkor: [Ignoring him] It was a terrible shame, your mother dying like that, but people do say that Finwë loves Indis more than he ever did Míriel. Perhaps- Fëanor: [Cuts him off, yelling] GET OUT! [There is a clatter as Maglor drops his harp, and the music stops. Everyone stares at Fëanor, who is glaring at Melkor, and trembling with rage. After a second or two of standoff, Melkor nods. When he speaks again, he is still cordial, but you can hear the hardness in his tone] Melkor: Very well, Fëanor. But remember what I have said. And watch that tongue of yours, or you may soon find yourself a lot less privileged. [Melkor swirls around and exits, closing the door behind him. He has style. Fëanor stands there trembling for a moment, and then sags back against the wall. Wordlessly, Nerdanel and Maedhros move over to him]
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Not too happy with this scene... we'll see.
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Post by Maeglin on Dec 14, 2004 10:24:52 GMT -5
I like this, largely because
1 It shows that Maglor is in a way the truest son of his father, both possessing the obsession of artists in a way that, say, Curufin is too power-hungry to.
2 Melkor's capacity to generate strife in a matter of seconds really amuses me.
But I think it could be even better if Melkor in some way set Feanor's nuclear family itself-say Feanor vs Nerdanel, or Celegorm vs Caranthir-on edge, rather than just producing agitation between branches. Then the whole thing can turn into a full-blown family squabble as Melkor quietly exits and Maglor looks on in typical sorrow...all that could be too time consuming, though, and is by no means important.
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Post by Huinesoron on Dec 14, 2004 17:19:33 GMT -5
I'll consider it on the rewrite. At the moment, I'm still trying to get the main script points -- Melkor tells Feanor that Fin'n'Fin are going to steal his place by Finwe -- down. Once it's all done, I'll go back and cut what's not needed, and add in extra.
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Post by Huinesoron on Jan 5, 2005 17:49:13 GMT -5
Two scenes today, and there is finally Plot. Can't say I'm too happy with how these came out, but I think that's just perfectionism talking. See what you think.
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Scene 9: Fëanor's Forge
[Open on the door of the forge, closed. After a second or two, it slams back, and Nerdanel storms in, enraged] Nerdanel: FËANOR! [Pan around as Nerdanel strides across the forge towards the furnace. End pan looking at the furnace, in front of which Fëanor, and now Nerdanel, are standing] Nerdanel: Fëanor! <I>What</I> are my sons wearing? [When Fëanor speaks, he sounds almost bored] Fëanor: I don't know, Nerdanel. Why don't you tell me? Nerdanel: They have <I>armour</I>, Fëanor! And <I>shields</I>! It looks like they're gearing up for another March like the one from Cuiviénen! What are you planning, Fëanor? Fëanor: Oh, they're wearing them? Good, good. Did you notice the pattern I added? I designed it myself; it represents our House. Nerdanel: Fëanor. What. Are. You. Planning? Fëanor: Nothing, Nerdanel. I'm just being prepared for every eventuality. Nerdanel: Such as <I>what</I>? An outbreak of rebel Maiar? A horde of Telerin warriors? Giant spiders killing the Trees? Come on, Fëanor, nothing's going to happen. Fëanor: [Darkly] It's not outside threats that I fear. Nerdanel: Then what? Fëanor: [Infuriatingly calm] Inside threats. Nerdanel: <I>Fëanor</I>. Stop being so obstinate. Why won't you-? [Nerdanel breaks off as she catches sight of something off-screen. Her expression goes from anger/exasperation to shock/horror] Nerdanel: [Soft, shocked] Oh no… you didn't. Fëanor: [Implacable] I said <I>every</I> eventuality. Nerdanel: Of all the things you had to reinvent from the Long March… why, Fëanor, why? Fëanor: My brothers are also making shields and armour. Do you really think that, if one of them thinks of this idea, they won't make them? Nerdanel: Yes, yes I do. They aren't like you. [Fëanor turns, glaring at Nerdanel] Fëanor: [Cold] What do you mean by that? Nerdanel: [Equally cold] You've grown fey, Fëanor. We've all noticed it. At first, I thought it was just the making of those Silmarils, taking up all of your time, but lately you've not had time for any of your family. Not even Maglor. [She takes a deep breath, and continues in a hard, yet slightly sad, voice] You are not the elf I married, Fëanor. I wish to have no more to do with you. If you wish to make amends, you will find me at my father's forge. Goodbye. [Without waiting for a response, she turns and leaves, slamming the door behind her. Camera follows her to the door, and then pans back quickly to Fëanor. For a moment, he looks like he might follow. Then he shrugs] Fëanor: My sons will stay by me, though. <I>They</I> are loyal, Nerdanel, even if you are not. [Turning back to the forge, he does something related to weapon-making, but not too obviously so. The idea is that the viewer is not certain that Fëanor has made a sword, or that swords even exist (again), until the moment he draws on Fingolfin (see scene 10)]
Scene 10A: Finwë's House in Tirion AKA: The plot starts to move on
[Open on a great hall, reminiscent of the one in Valmar. Finwë is seated on a dais, on a throne, slightly above the rest of the hall. The Council of Finwë, filled with notable older Noldor such as Noldo #1, Mahtan, and sundry others – NOT any of the House of Finwë, or any Vanyar, Ainur, Teleri etc – sit in a rough semi-circle on the main floor, on chairs. They are a roughly even mix of male and female, with perhaps a slight bias towards the male. Indis is nowhere in sight] Finwë: As you know, there has been a certain amount of… unrest in the city of late. We do not, of course, wish to involve the Valar in such as small thing, but- Noldo #1: You mean <I>you</I> don't wish to involve them. We all know why <I>that</I> is – it's because that son of yours is causing the disturbances! [Murmurings of agreement from the crowd, but with an air implying that they could turn to supporting Finwë if necessary] Finwë: While it is indeed true that my son, Fëanor, is a little unsettled right now, there is no need to believe that he is anything other than a victim of these troubled times. Noldo #1: [Incredulous] A <I>victim</I>? He's been making speeches! He has been, in case you hadn't noticed, declaring that the Valar brought us here as thralls! Lord Finwë, I beseech you- [He is cut off as the doors at the back of the hall slam open. Everyone turns to look as Fingolfin, followed by a nervous Finarfin, runs in. They are each clad in armour, with shields on their arms, as are any of the younger Noldor in later scenes, unless otherwise stated. The older Noldor, such as those in Finwë's council, are not so clad, unless stated to be so. Fingolfin runs up to the dais and kneels before Finwë's throne. Finarfin stands halfway up the hall, looking nervously between the throne and the door] Fingolfin: [Speaking quickly] King and father, our brother Fëanor has gathered the people in the square before your house. He has told them that he will depart from Valinor, returning to the world without, and lead the Noldor thither, away from the thraldom of the Valar. [Gasps of shock from the Council, and even Finwë looks troubled] Fingolfin: Father, you are King of the Noldor, not he. You were the one who spoke to our people long ago, bidding them accept the summons of the Valar. You it was who led the Noldor along the long road through Middle-earth to the light of Valinor. Will you not now restrain the pride of Fëanor? Authority over him you still have, if you will take it, and two sons, at least, will still honour your words. [Finwë looks uncomfortable. At last, he speaks] Finwë: My son… Fingolfin… I- [He is cut off as the doors slam back once more, with far more force. The camera is currently positioned so as not to be able to see the door] Fëanor: [From the door, off-screen. Angry, really living up to the name Spirit Of Fire] So it is, even as I guessed. [Pan quickly around to show Fëanor standing in the doorway. Laurelin is currently in flower, making the sky gold, and Fëanor's armour reflects this. He is wearing a large, ornate helmet, his shield and armour, and has a sword at his side, sheathed. Really play up the visuals here – this is the Spirit of Fire in full flame. Hold for a few moments before he strides forward, through the middle of the council, who move aside quickly to let him through. Follow him with the camera]
Fëanor: I had thought that my father, at least, would stay at my side. I had thought that the children of Indis would at least respect my right to first place at my father's side. Apparently not. My half-brother would be before me even with him, as in everything else. [Fëanor reaches the dais and glares at the still-kneeling Fingolfin] Fingolfin: [Weakly] Brother…<br>Fëanor: You. Are. Not. My. Brother. Leave! [Fëanor draws his sword] Fëanor: Get thee gone, and take thy due place! [Fingolfin stands, bows to Finwë, and exits at a walking pace, Finarfin following as he passes. As they approach the door, Fingolfin turns] Fingolfin: Farewell, father. Please consider what I said. [Fingolfin exits. Fëanor is furious, and stalks across the hall, pushing Council members out of the way as he goes, and out of the door]
Scene 10B: The Square Below The Mindon Eldaliéva
[Start with a wide shot of the crowded square, the Tower of the King with its lamp, and Finwë's House. Spiral down into the crowd, to where Fëanor is pushing through towards Fingolfin and Finarfin. Follow Fëanor's progress until he steps out in front of Fingolfin and holds the point of his sword to Fingolfin's chest, forcing him to stop or impale himself] Fëanor: See, half-brother! This is sharper than thy tongue. Try but once more to usurp my place and the love of my father, and maybe it will rid the Noldor of one who seeks to be the master of thralls! [Fingolfin opens his mouth to speak, but shuts it defiantly. Stepping to the side, he tries to depart, but Fëanor swings the sword to point once again at his heart] Fëanor: I did not give you leave to depart. [Suddenly there is a great rushing wind, and the crowd falls back, away from where the two elves are standing. Even Finarfin moves away, but his worried face can be seen at the front of the crowd when appropriate. The dust in the square (which is diamond, remember) spirals up to man-high, and then falls away to reveal Námo Mandos. He points at Fëanor] Námo: Fëanor, son of Finwë, you have wilfully broken the peace of Valinor, and drawn sword upon your kinsman. You are summoned to appear before us at the gates of Valmar in three days time to answer for all your words and deeds. [Námo turns and walks into the crowd, who part before him. Behind him, Fëanor is frozen, trembling in fear. His sword falls to the ground, unheeded, and as Námo passes out of sight, Fëanor collapses, to be caught by Fingolfin and lowered carefully to the ground]
~~~~~~~~~
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StarwindRohana
Moriquendi
And wandered beside the sea, ever singing.
Posts: 12
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Post by StarwindRohana on Jan 9, 2005 2:37:32 GMT -5
On scene eight...very nice. Maglor is pretty much just like I'd imagine him. I enjoyed the way that he can tune his harp to make weird sounds. It's also good because it shows that he's the calmest Feanorion there is...which is true of him.
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Post by Chronicler on Jan 13, 2005 13:50:50 GMT -5
Look! Foreshadowing! Nice stuff, hS. I really like the Spirit of Fire imagery idea for Feanor's arrival at Finwe's house. Great job! ~ Chronicler ~
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Post by Huinesoron on Jan 27, 2005 13:54:33 GMT -5
Scene 11: The Máhanaxar
[The Valar are in council, in the same positions as they were at Melkor's trial, except that Nienna is now seated. Note that Námo sits to Manwë's right. Fëanor is standing in the centre of the Ring, facing Manwë and Námo, and outside it, behind him, are all those involved in Scene 10 – Finwë and his sons, the Council, some of the crowd from the square, Nerdanel, and perhaps some of the older children of Fëanor, Fingolfin and Finarfin. Fëanor still has his armour on, but his sword is now at Námo's side] Námo: You would, then, lay the blame for your actions on our brother, Melkor? [When Fëanor speaks, he sounds subdued] Fëanor: I would. He has spoken much amongst the Noldor, telling us of how the Valar have kept us in thrall, and of how the sons of my father wish to supplant me by his side. Indeed, it seems that in that he spoke the truth [He turns and looks back at Fingolfin for a moment, glaring slightly, but then looks back at Námo and sighs] but they had good reason, for I was swayed by his words, and did things that I should not have done. [Námo opens his mouth to speak, but Tulkas cuts him off] Tulkas: I knew it! [Tulkas jumps to his feet, and he seems to grow slightly over next section until he leaves. He is becoming more like the incarnation of Fighting – this may be difficult to show, but if we can use this moment to subtly point out that he is still Ainu, it would help] Tulkas: Manwë, Námo, I have to go and bring him in. He can't get away with this! [Námo looks at Manwë, who nods. Tulkas grins] Tulkas: Excellent. You won't regret this. [He runs past Manwë and through the gates of Valmar. Note that he runs a little too fast for a human or elf. Námo watches him for a moment and then turns back to Fëanor] Námo: So now is the malice of Melkor revealed, and the root of our troubles laid bare. Yet you, Fëanor Finwion, are not held guiltless in this matter. The fact remains that you did draw a weapon in Valinor, breaking the peace of the ages, and for that you must be punished. [Fëanor looks up, eyes blazing] Fëanor: Perhaps Melkor spoke truly when he said we were thralls. [Námo's face darkens and he rises to his feet. Again, as with Tulkas, he is becoming less like an elf and more like the incarnation of Doom] Námo: You speak of thraldom. If thraldom it be, then you cannot escape it, for Manwë is King of Arda, not of Valinor only. And this deed was unlawful, whether in Valinor or not in Valinor. Therefore this doom is now made: For twelve years you shall leave Tirion, where your crime occurred. In that time, take counsel with yourself, and remember who and what you are. After that time this matter shall be set in peace and held redressed, if others will release you. [Námo sits back down. Fëanor stares at him, dumbstruck. From the crowd at the back, Fingolfin steps forward into the Ring] Fingolfin: I will release my brother. Námo: That time is not yet upon us. Fëanor, go now. [Fëanor turns and looks at the crowd, beseeching. Finwë comes forward almost immediately to his side, as do any of his sons who were present. Some of those who were in the crowd also come forward. Fëanor ignores them and looks instead straight at Nerdanel. She meets his gaze for a moment, and then turns away, angry. Fëanor lowers his head, and then turns and exits the circle on the north side, those who joined him following. If Nienna appears in shot, she can be seen to be crying. Everyone watches Fëanor and co leaving for a while until Tulkas comes running back in] Tulkas: He's gone! He must have heard us talking and run off! I don't even know which way he went! [He notices that everyone is silent, and also that Fëanor is gone] Tulkas: Did I miss something? [Cut to scene 12]
Scene 12: Finwë's House in Tirion
[Open on Finwë walking down a corridor with some personal belongings. Fingolfin and Finarfin follow him. Finwë is wearing the Crown of the Noldor, which is not complex – perhaps just a gold and silver band inset with diamonds] Fingolfin: Father, you cannot do this. The people need you- Finwë: [Cutting him off] My son needs me. He is more important to me than all the Noldor in Tirion. I cannot abandon him in his exile. His wife already has, and now resides with her father. Fingolfin: His sons have not. Surely he has enough family around him. Tirion needs a king, father. [Finwë stops and turns to look at Fingolfin. He puts his belongings on the floor] Finwë: Tirion needs a king, you say? [He reaches up and removes his crown and holds it out to Fingolfin] Finwë: My son, I cannot be king while Fëanor is in exile. I must join him in this city of Formenos that he has designed until the twelve years are done. However, you speak true – the Noldor need a king. As such, I appoint you, Fingolfin my son, High King of the Noldor in my stead. I trust that you will govern them wisely, as befits a son of Finwë.<br>[Fingolfin stares at his father, as if he cannot believe what he has just said. Impatient, Finarfin takes the crown and places it on Fingolfin's head] Finarfin: We will hold the city and await your return, father. Perhaps you shall visit us from time to time? [Finwë picks up his belongings again] Finwë: No. I hold myself as much exiled as my son. Perhaps, though, you shall come and visit us. Finarfin: Perhaps. [It is clear that he does not think this is likely. Finwë, however, nods and continues down the corridor to the door] Finwë: Farewell, my sons. Take good care of your mother, for she chooses not to join me. I shall see you when my time in Formenos is done, if not before. [He exits by the door. Fingolfin takes off the crown and turns it in his hands, wonderingly. Finarfin takes his arm and leads him back into the house] Finarfin: Come, brother. We must start working on the official announcement. [Fingolfin, still dazed, allows himself to be led offscreen]
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Post by Maeglin on Jan 27, 2005 14:10:53 GMT -5
These two scenes are my favourite you've devised so far, I must say. Excellent. I love the Valar's portrayal, and can't help but be amused at witnessing yet another crown being passed about...
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Post by Huinesoron on Mar 9, 2005 18:12:04 GMT -5
A nice four-part scene, featuring a new speaking part (!!1) and also angry!Feanor. And hS being unable to write sections and therefore going to look at someone else for a while. You Have Been Warned. ~~~~~~~~~ Scene 13A: Upper Formenos [Almost twelve years later. Finwë and Fëanor are sitting on a high tower looking south towards the Two Trees, which are at this point close to two thousand miles away. In other words, far enough that Formenos is in a perpetual twilight, with some of the brighter stars shining through. If we look at Finwë and Fëanor's faces, we see the Sickle of the Valar to the north above them] Finwë: A messenger arrived from Tirion yesterday. Fëanor: Oh, really? Did they say anything new? Finwë: Not really. Fingolfin is doing well, but the light of the Trees is still dimmed. Fëanor: Not as much as it is up here. I mean, it's been almost twelve years now – I can hardly believe that elves can live with such feeble light for so long. Finwë: Believe it. We managed for much longer than you back on the Great March. Fëanor: That was different. You didn't have a choice. Nor did you have a memory of what it was like. Finwë: Well, I did. So did Ingwë and Elwë – we were the three who the Valar brought here first to show us it existed, remember. But for the most part, yes, you're correct. Fëanor: I'm sorry, father, I meant no offence…<br>Finwë: Oh, none taken. – what is going on down at the gates? [Pan around to behind them and tilt camera down to show a number of Noldor milling around by the gates in confusion. Maedhros runs out of a stairwell behind the pair] Maedhros: [Breathless] Father… grandfather… there's someone at the gates. He says he wants to speak to you, father. Amrod says… Amrod says he thinks it's Melkor. [Fëanor sits bolt upright and stares at Maedhros, who nods, confirming his statement. Fëanor jumps up] Fëanor: Father, you stay here. I'll deal with this. [Brushing past Maedhros, he runs off down the stairs. Maedhros and Finwë exchange a Look] Scene 13B: Lower Formenos [Fëanor strides out of a doorway and across a courtyard to the great gate of Formenos. Amrod is waiting nervously by the gate, which is still shut. As he sees his father approach, he calls out] Amrod: Father! Fëanor: Shh! [Fëanor quickens his pace, stopping next to Amrod, who speaks in a low whisper] Amrod: He's outside now. Maedhros said not to let him in. He's got his hood pulled down, so I couldn't see who it was, but something in his voice reminded me of- Fëanor: [Cutting him off] Yes, very good. Now, go and find your brothers. [He raises his voice] The rest of you, leave. I will see to our visitor myself. [The crowd disperses quickly, and Fëanor turns and opens a smaller door in the gate. He leans nonchalantly on the doorframe, non-threatening, but effectively blocking entry] Fëanor: I do not allow people to enter Formenos until I first know who they are. [Switch to a shot that shows the figure. Camera angles may need to be changed over the course of the scene. The figure reaches up to its hood] Melkor: Ah, son of Finwë, but you have already guessed who I am. [Melkor lowers his hood] Fëanor: That I have. Will you leave quietly, or do I have to call someone to escort you away? [Behind Fëanor his sons are starting to gather, with the exception of Maedhros. Melkor does not appear to notice] Melkor: Ah, Fëanor. Still holding old grudges? Surely you recall that the Valar sent you out here, not me. All I ever did was speak my mind, even as you did. Will you not even speak with me? [Fëanor frowns] Fëanor: You may speak. But you may not enter Formenos. [Cut to] Scene 13C: Upper Formenos [Maedhros is peering over the low tower wall. Finwë is still sitting] Maedhros: He's not let him in, but they're talking. Finwë: I do hope my son knows what he's doing. But he should. He's a smart one. [Maedhros looks back at Finwë]<br>Maedhros: Ah… I wouldn't be too sure he'll act rationally, Grandfather. Finwë: Why ever not, Maedhros? Maedhros: Well, it's… you know, the Silmarils. He's been getting more and more obsessive about them. I think he spends more time in the treasury with them than he does on any of his other projects. [Finwë frowns] Finwë: Really? I hadn't noticed that…<br>Maedhros: He hides it from you. I don't think he wants you to worry. Finwë: He always was a good boy…<br>[There is a loud slamming noise. Maedhros jumps and looks down at the courtyard again, then back at Finwë]<br>Maedhros: He slammed the gates! Finwë: We have to see what happened. Come on! [Finwë runs off down the stairs, Maedhros following close behind. Note that Finwë still moves just as fast as Maedhros – elves do not really age physically. The camera moves quickly down the outside of the tower, to…] Scene 13D: Lower Formenos [Fëanor is standing in the middle of the courtyard, furious] Fëanor: [Yelling] Amrod! Amras! Grab your bows and get onto the wall! If he so much as slows down, shoot him right in the shoulder! [Finwë and Maedhros run out of the tower] Maedhros: Father! [Finwë and Maedhros run over to Fëanor. Finwë grabs Fëanor by the shoulder] Finwë: My son, what happened? [Fëanor is shaking with rage, and speaks with barely controlled fury] Fëanor: He told me that I should leave Valinor and go to Middle-earth. He said he would help me. Finwë: You didn't agree, did you? Fëanor: No! Finwë: Of course not. But surely that was not reason to shut him out? Fëanor: No, no. It was the next bit. He said 'Formenos is a strong place, and well guarded, but think not that the Silmarils will lie safe in any treasury within the realm of the Valar'. And I looked into his eyes and I saw, Father, I saw that he wanted them, my Silmarils, that are my most precious possessions. He wants them, and I fear he will stop at nothing to steal them. [Finwë and Maedhros exchange a quick glance before Finwë turns back to his son] Finwë: That is indeed concerning, my son. I think that you should get some rest for now, and when you awake, we can turn our thoughts to the strengthening of the vault. [Fëanor does not move] Go on, Fëanor. Away with you. [Fëanor walks off towards a nearby door, slumping, exhausted after his anger. Finwë waits until he has gone, and then turns to Maedhros] Finwë: [Whispering] I fear you were correct, grandson. He grows paranoid indeed. Maedhros: [Whispering] He does, but I fear in this case his worries may have some truth in them. [Finwë nods] Finwë: [Whispering] I fear it also. I think, perhaps, we need to send a messenger to Manwë. Can you…? Maedhros: [Whispering] I will make the journey myself. [Loud] Amrod! Get down from that wall and come help me ready my horse! [Maedhros turns and runs over to a different door, a stable. As Amrod runs to join him, Finwë walks over and leans against the gate, resting his forehead against it, exhausted]
~~~~~~~~
That scene took far too long to write. Any thoughts?
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Post by Maeglin on Mar 10, 2005 2:54:46 GMT -5
Excellent. Maedhros is wonderful. Can you shine a little light on Caranthir next? Good job with Amrod.
By the way...did you miss out "Begone, thou jail-crow of Mandos?" That would be rather a shame, but perhaps it's confusing.
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Post by Huinesoron on Mar 10, 2005 12:35:17 GMT -5
I've been trying to work in Caranthir... I think he'll have a big role in the Oath.
And yeah, I cut all the direct dialogue from that scene. I couldn't make it fit. But I'm thinking of giving it over to a dialogue between Yavanna and Vaire (possibly) when they're discussing Maedhros' message.
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Post by Huinesoron on Mar 13, 2005 10:14:31 GMT -5
Another scene done. Yes, it's another Council of the Valar scene. And yes, it features more of absent-minded!Aule. And also a nod in the direction of a certain slash pairing.
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Scene 14A: Aulë's Forge [Aulë is sitting on a stool in a corner, writing furiously on a notepad and clipboard. The forge is not running, and the door is open. Yavanna enters] Yavanna: Aulë, dear, where were you? Aulë: [Not looking up] I'm very sorry, Yavanna, I'll make it up to you some other time, would you like another brooch? [Yavanna walks over and snatches the clipboard from his hand, dropping it onto a nearby desk] Yavanna: Please try to pay attention. Manwë called a council, remember? Aulë: Oh, yes, he wanted to discuss these shadows that have been forming recently. Isn't that tomorrow? Yavanna: No, Aulë, it was today. Aulë: Oh, right. So what did he say? Yavanna: What he said isn't the important bit. A messenger arrived from Formenos! [Flashback to]
Scene 14B: The Máhanaxar [The Valar are talking amongst themselves in hushed tones. Zoom in on Yavanna and Oromë]<br>Oromë: I say, Yavanna, where is that husband of yours? [Note: Oromë should have an upper class British accent. He is a hunter, and that's a jolly British thing to be] Yavanna: I don't know, Oromë. He said he'd- [She is cut off by the sound of running feet. Maedhros enters the ring from the north at a run and bows before Manwë, breathless] Maedhros: [Speaking quickly] Lord Manwë, Melkor visited Formenos. I have ridden as fast as I could, but I fear it has been close to a week since he left our gates. [All the Valar sit up in shock] Tulkas: He's been seen? Come on, Oromë, we might still be able to catch him! [Tulkas and Oromë jump up. Oromë whistles for Nahar. Cut to]
Scene 14C: Aulë's Forge [Yavanna has pulled over another stool. Aulë is listening intently] Aulë: So Tulkas and Oromë have gone off after him? Yavanna: No! More messengers came, just as they were about to start. [Cut to]
Scene 14D: The Máhanaxar [Oromë is seated astride Nahar. Tulkas is standing next to him. Messengers from Tirion (Fingon and Turgon) are before Manwë, still on their horses] Manwë: You say he passed through the Calacirya yesterday? Fingon: Yes, he did. He turned north once he got through, heading up past Alqualondë.<br>Tulkas: Up towards Araman! I'll bet he's trying to get back to Middle-earth! Manwë: Yes, that would seem likely…<br>Tulkas: Come on, Oromë! Let's get hunting! [Oromë lifts the Valaróma and blows a single note on it. Tulkas runs off to the North-east, and Nahar gallops closely behind. As they pass the Gates of Valmar, a variety of Maiar rush out to follow them. Cut to]
Scene 14E: Aulë's Forge Aulë: So what happened then? Yavanna: Nothing much. Maedhros told us exactly what had happened up at Formenos…<br>[Cut back to]
Scene 14F: The Máhanaxar [Maedhros is standing before Manwë again. Fingon and Turgon, dismounted, are standing outside the ring] Yavanna: 'Get thee gone from my gate, thou jail-crow of Mandos'? He really said that? [Maedhros nods. Yavanna looks at Manwë]<br>Yavanna: I doubt your brother took that very well, Manwë.<br>[Manwë shakes his head silently] Maedhros: My lord, may I depart? I wish to spend time with my cousins before I return to Formenos. Manwë: You may go, Maedhros, son of Fëanor. However, when you return to Formenos, tell your father that he is commanded to attend the Festival next month. Then shall his crimes be forgiven, and he be allowed to return to Tirion. Maedhros: I will, Lord Manwë.<br>[Maedhros bows low before Manwë, and then backs out of the ring. Fingon and Turgon run over to him] Fingon: Maedhros! It's been so long since we saw you!
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I'm thinking the next scene is going to be Melkor meeting with Ungoliant, and then... the Festival, the Darkening, and a whole lot of Fear.
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Post by Huinesoron on Mar 14, 2005 8:11:10 GMT -5
Of which speaking...
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Scene 15: Avathar [Melkor materialises on a mountaintop, still clad in a dark cloak over white] Melkor: Those fools. Let them watch their northern borders, let them think I have returned to Middle-earth. They are too foolish to realise that I can move unseen even as they. [He turns to the north and calls out towards Valinor] Melkor: Tulkas and Oromë are chasing nothing! I turned south again just after Alqualondë, and those Teleri of yours never noticed a thing! [He shakes his head and turns south again, then stops, frowns, and kneels down to pick something up] Melkor: What is this? It looks like a strand of spider silk, but it is made of something else… darkness. I know what this is. This is the work of one of my old servants. Now, to find her. [He takes a single step south, and then looks down at himself and laughs] Melkor: But first, to change into something more suitable. [He vanishes for a second, and then reappears. He is larger, and clad in black armour. On his head there rests an iron crown. His face, however, is still the same, though scaled up. This is what he will wear for the rest of the film] Melkor: Ah, that's <I>much</I> better. Just like the good old days. [He strides off southwards, down the mountainside, towards what is revealed by the camera – which turns to follow his retreating back – to be a dark ravine]
Scene 16: Ungoliant's Ravine [Melkor is picking his way over a rubble-strewn floor, ducking under strands of Ungoliant's dark web. There are tunnels in the sides of the ravine, and occasional small spiders scuttle around] Melkor: Ungoliant! I know you're here! Show yourself, before I have to drag you out by your legs! Ungoliant: [From a tunnel] Why, hello again, master. It's been a long time. [Ungoliant crawls out of the tunnel in front of Melkor. Note on Ungoliant: She is a giant spider, bigger even than Shelob. As to her voice, she hisses a lot. This is an animal voice, and an evil one. I'm not going to write in the extended sibilants, but they are there] Melkor: Ah, Ungoliant. I see you've been keeping well. Ungoliant: Enough of this. What do you want? Melkor: Polite as ever, I see. I'm going to be heading back over the sea to set up the old fortresses again, and I thought you'd want to join me. Ungoliant: It would be nice to get away from this place… but I don't trust you. Melkor: Why, Ungoliant, I'm hurt. All I ask is your help on a quick trip into Valinor, and then we can go home. [Ungoliant hisses and retreats towards her hole] Ungoliant: I'm not going anywhere near that place. Sorry I can't help, Melkor. [She tries to crawl into her hole, but Melkor extends a hand and an invisible force blocks her] Melkor: You will address me as 'master'. [He moves his hand and she is dragged towards him, her legs scrabbling vainly to try and run away] Melkor: And I do not recall giving you a choice. [He jerks his hand suddenly towards the floor and Ungoliant is pushed down on her belly at his feet] Ungoliant: [Sulkily] Fine. What will I get out of it? Melkor: [Surprised] What will you get? Isn't your miserable life enough? Ungoliant: <I>No</I>. I hunger, master. Will you feed me, that I may know some measure of peace? [Melkor frowns, and thinks for a moment, and then nods] Melkor: Do as I bid, and if you still hunger when all is done, I will give you whatever your lust may desire. Ungoliant: Then I am yours to command, master. What would you have me do? [Melkor grins evilly] Melkor: It is a time of festival in Valinor…<br>[Fade out]
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Next up: The last peaceful scene until the very end. Oooh, I'm getting all excited.
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Post by Maeglin on Mar 14, 2005 9:53:18 GMT -5
Very nice. Loved the "quick change"...
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Post by Huinesoron on Mar 16, 2005 7:28:31 GMT -5
Scene 17: Ilmaren [The Halls of Manwë and Varda. A beautiful place – something worthy of the Lord of the Airs and the Queen of the Stars. As one author put it, 'most of the special effects budget should be blown on Taniquetil'. Scene takes place in the main hall, where Fingolfin and Finarfin are seated] Finarfin: He should be here by now. Fingolfin: Hush, Finarfin. He has a long way to travel. Finarfin: Then he should have started sooner. Fingolfin: Perhaps he did. Perhaps something has befallen him. Finarfin: [Muttering almost inaudibly] Good. Fingolfin: Do not speak so of our brother. Finarfin: How many times do we have to go over this? He hates us, Fingolfin. He will never accept you calling him brother. He- [Fingolfin was looking over Finarfin's shoulder, towards the door] Fingolfin: He is <I>here</I>. Now let's have no more of this. Finarfin: As you wish, <I>brother</I>. [Fingolfin and Finarfin stand up to greet Fëanor. Pan around to show Fëanor, clad in armour, but with his helm under his arm and no weapon] Finarfin: [Muttering to Fingolfin] No Silmarils, I see. He's keeping <I>them</I> under lock and key. [Fingolfin ignores Finarfin and walks over to Fëanor] Fingolfin: Greetings, Fëanor. Is our father with you? Fëanor: [Curtly] Finwë chose to remain in Formenos with the rest of my House. He sent this message to you. [Fëanor pulls out a letter and hands it to Fingolfin, who opens it – breaking Finwë's seal – and scans it] Finarfin: What does it say? Fingolfin: Quite a bit – father has not lost his habit of rambling – but the important bit is this: 'While the ban lasts upon Fëanor my son, that he may not go to Tirion, I hold myself unkinged, and I will not meet my people.' Finarfin: Why would he write that? [He glares at Fëanor, obviously implying that he forged the letter] Fëanor: [Shrugs] Father is very much an elf of principle. [Finarfin seems about to argue the point, but at that moment is interrupted by Oromë]<br>Oromë: Ah, Fëanor! You're finally here, then? Jolly good. Those sons of yours with you? No? Pity, that. Fabulous hunter, Celegorm is. Anyway, glad to see you got here, now we can get started. Come along, you two. [He grabs Fëanor and Fingolfin by the shoulders and ushers them into the throne room, leaving Finarfin looking bemused. After a moment he shrugs, and wanders over to the other side of the room, where his five children are talking. The camera moves out of the door, and flies down the east side of the mountain and north along the Pelóri slightly to Alqualondë]<br> Scene 18: The Plain of Valinor [One final flyover of Valinor. Begin over Alqualondë, still as busy as usual. Move south down the coast to the Calacirya, through the Calacirya, over Tirion. The city is empty. Move out of the Calacirya, pan over Valmar – also deserted –past the Trees, which are both in bloom, and then north a little way to a cloud of darkness. Zoom through to the centre of this to see Melkor and Ungoliant, dimly lit. Melkor carries a spear] Ungoliant: This is tiring. Melkor: Oh, cease your complaining. Soon you will be able to feast on the most precious of all foods. Ungoliant: I hope this stuff is as nice as you say it is. The idea of going near all that Light makes me shudder. Melkor: Oh, believe me, it will be the best thing you have ever tasted. [Melkor looks towards Taniquetil, south-east] Melkor: Ah, Manwë, my brother, are you so secure in your power that you do not even keep a watch? You will regret it, I promise you. [He turns and looks back at Ungoliant] Melkor: Come along, keep up. I can't stand all this waiting. We're almost there…<br>[The two walk past in front of the camera – now pointing south-east – and the darkness slowly clears to show Taniquetil in the distance] Scene 19: Ilmaren [Flyover of the Plain to the Mountain, and then up its side. See elves and Maiar dancing on the grassy slopes, with a few of the Valar – Nessa, Vana, Tulkas – among them. No one is looking West towards the Trees. Continue to climb up to Ilmaren, then fly through the main doors and the main hall, through to the throne room just as two Maiar push the doors closed. Manwë and Varda are enthroned, the other Valar – excepting those still dancing on Taniquetil – are seated along the walls of the room, and Fëanor and Fingolfin are standing before Manwë. Fëanor's helm has been taken by Oromë, who is sitting next to Aulë. Yavanna is on Aulë's other side. Note: The background events in this scene in fact take place simultaneously with the dialogue] Manwë: Sons of Finwë, you have been brought before us to redress the crime of the one, Fëanor, in drawing his sword against the other, Fingolfin. [Pause] Fingolfin, as the victim, you have the right to release Fëanor, or to bid us punish him further, as you will. [In the background, Aulë looks quizically at the helm in Oromë's hands. Oromë nods towards Fëanor] Fingolfin: As I promised, I do now. I release you, Fëanor, and remember no grievance. [Fingolfin holds out his hand. Fëanor takes it in silence] [Background. Aulë makes a give-it-here gesture. Oromë hands Aulë the helm] Fingolfin: Half-brother in blood, full brother in heart will I be. Thou shalt lead and I will follow. Let no new grief divide us. [Aulë is turning the helm in his hands, studying it. Yavanna elbows him and he looks up at Fëanor and Fingolfin] Fëanor: I hear you. So be it… brother. [Momentary tableau of Fëanor and Fingolfin hand in hand before Manwë. Even Aulë is still, watching. Then, suddenly, the Treeslight coming in through the window loses almost all of its golden component. Aulë drops the helm with a clatter. Yavanna leaps to her feet] Yavanna: Laurelin--! [Varda also jumps up, and rushes to the western window. As she peers out towards the Trees, the silver light also vanishes] Yavanna: Telperion? No! [Fingolfin rushes over to the window beside Varda and looks out. All is dark. There is the sound of screaming from the mountainside, and only a faint glow from the area around the Trees. Fingolfin turns to Varda] Fingolfin: My lady? What has happened? Varda: I know not… something terrible. [Cut to] Scene 20: The Ezellohar [Melkor is standing with his spear stuck into the trunk of Telperion. By Laurelin, Ungoliant is just taking her beak away from a similar hole. Spatters of gold and silver glowing dew are on the ground] Melkor: Come on, come on, they'll be after us soon. Ungoliant: It's not my fault you drove me so hard! I hunger, Melkor. Melkor: Yes, yes. [He pulls the spear from Telperion, releasing a flood of silver dew] Now come over here and drink your fill. [Ungoliant lumbers over. Melkor moves to the middle of the mound and stands facing east] Melkor: [Calling out] Didn't expect <I>this</I>, did you, Manwë? Never expected that I'd actually do anything! Eru forbid that anyone could harm your precious little country! [Ungoliant finishes with Telperion. She lumbers down the slope of the Ezellohar to the first of the Wells of Varda, which contain the mingled dew of both trees] Melkor: [Still shouting] Didn't reckon on me, did you, brother? I bet you thought that driving me out of Valinor would finish me off, eh? [Ungoliant drinks the Well dry and moves off-screen, to the next Well. She is noticeable larger, and strands of black smoke are beginning to writhe around her] Melkor: [Still shouting] Well, I've got news for you, oh Lord of the Breath of Arda. You lost! I, Melkor, He Who Arises In Might, am the true Lord of Arda and everything in it! I wrote half of the Song, while you just followed Father's plan. It's mine! Mine! The world and everything in it! Nothing can stop me now! Ungoliant: Are you quite finished? We should be going. [Melkor turns around, and stares for a moment at the cloud before remembering himself and nodding quickly] Melkor: Yes… yes! We must be going. Ungoliant: East, then, towards the Calacirya, and then north towards the Ice? Melkor: Yes, yes… no, wait, perhaps not. I think we will take a little side-trip first. North! Ungoliant: As you wish, then. [Ungoliant begins to move, lumbering slowly but rapidly building up speed. Melkor runs along behind her, keeping pace. Around them a great cloud of black smoke is growing. Zoom out to the window in Ilmaren]
Scene 21: Ilmaren [Manwë is standing by the window now, next to Varda, peering out to the North. In a corner, Yavanna is weeping while Nienna and Aulë attempt to comfort her. Oromë is pacing irritably. Only Námo seems fully calm.] Oromë: Hurry up, Manwë, I have to know what's happening. Manwë: I see… a great cloud of shadow moving northwards with great speed. Even my sight cannot penetrate it. I fear it is some trickery of Melkor's. Fëanor: Melkor. [There is such intensity in his voice that everyone turns to look. Even Yavanna raises her head] Fëanor: I should have known he was planning something… I should have killed him while I had the chance. Námo: Killed him? Nay, Fëanor son of Finwë, you have not that power. None of us do. Oromë: Not to kill him, no, but to capture him, yes! [Oromë puts the Valaróma to his lips and blows on it, even louder than before. Rushing to the window, he jumps out, landing astride Nahar on the ground below] Oromë: [Bellowing] TULKAS! [Oromë charges off down the mountain, sparks flying from Nahar's hooves. On the way he is joined by Tulkas and a variety of Maiar on horses. They charge off towards the bottom of the slope, while the camera moves back into Ilmaren] Manwë: I fear that they will be too late, but it cannot hurt to try. [He walks back to his throne and sits down, slumping as he does so, utterly disheartened. Varda sits down in her own throne, and leans over to try and comfort Manwë]<br> ~~~~~~~~~
Well... did it work?
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