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Post by Huinesoron on Sept 30, 2005 9:45:27 GMT -5
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Post by Maeglin on Oct 5, 2005 9:54:08 GMT -5
hS! So glad to see you're still here. I wondered if I was speaking to ghosts several times before...
I'll scratch your back and you can scratch the dear old Lay, and we'll get somewhere...
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Post by Huinesoron on Oct 6, 2005 6:49:20 GMT -5
The problem I have is, I'm really bad at editing, especially other people's work. But anyway, yes. Shall I put out a call on the PPC Board for more editors, or do we want a small team?
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Post by Maeglin on Oct 6, 2005 8:35:04 GMT -5
More of anything is always good...
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Post by Huinesoron on Oct 6, 2005 9:15:30 GMT -5
Unless it's orcs.
[Goes off to prod the PPC into being useful for once]
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Post by Maeglin on Oct 6, 2005 11:02:49 GMT -5
I've had a go at the Alqualonde sequence. See what you think. I also butchered the scene before somewhat, because I think it's a bad idea to linger on boredom in films, unless that film is Madame Bovary... Scene 34: Outside Alqualondë [Maglor is sitting plucking a harp boredly. Caranthir, Amrod and Amras are sitting around him, Amrod and Amras next to each other. Maglor stares gloomily towards the walls] Maglor: How long have they been? Caranthir: Twelve hours at least, or so it seems. Amrod: Play us something with that, Maglor. [Maglor gives him a slight smile, but then shakes his head] Maglor: Sorry, Amrod, my heart’s not in it. I don’t feel right. Something is wrong. Caranthir: [Dry sarcasm] You don’t say. [Caranthir picks up a handful of sand and throws it away. Maglor rolls his eyes. Amras jumps up suddenly and points at Alqualondë] Maglor: Amras? Amras: Look! They are coming out now! Ah... heh. [He sits back down] Amras: Father does not look pleased. [Maedhros looks horrified. The others, Feanor, Celegorm and Curufin are seized by fay wrath, collected, cool.] Celegorm: Well, it’s decided. Amrod: What is? Maglor: The Teleri will aid us? Feanor: (abruptly) No. [Pause.] Feanor: Marshal the host! When they see an army of Noldorin steel, perhaps it will change their minds. If not... Celegorm: No more accursed diplomacy. Scene 35 Alqualondë [Shot over the Noldor host. The banners of Feanor approach. The white swanships lie in the harbour.] Harbour Master: The King has refused you passage! Turn back and make amends with the Valar. Feanor: It is too late for that. Surrender your ships. Mariner: What are you going to do, Feanor, King of the Noldor? Attack us? [Laughing from the Teleri. Silence from the Noldor.] Celegorm: Advance! [The heavily armoured Noldor march forward. They start to step onto the ramps.] Harbour Master: What is this insanity? Mariner: Get off. We cannot let you on board. Feanor: This is your last chance, mariners of the Teleri. You force our hands. Capitulate or... [There is a splash. Several of the Noldor have been pushed into the sea. They sink rapidly. Feanor, Celegorm, and Curufin draw their swords. Curufin stabs the unarmed Harbour Master as he passes.] Teleri Captain: Traitors and pirates! Archers, fire!
Celegorm: I’m hit...I...
[Two of the Teleri leap forward and lay hands on him, about to push him into the water. Feanor and Curufin, oblivious, have carved their way onto the swanship’s deck, several Noldor behind them. Maedhros and Maglor are visible, hanging back.]
Celegorm: Brothers, help...
[Maedhros rushes forward and cuts down one of the Elves assailing Celegorm, driving the other back. Maglor pulls Celegorm out of harm’s way. Maedhros is now hurled into the depths of the fray.]
[We pan out, seeing the battle as a whole. Dramatic battle music plays. Amras and Amrod are storming another ship. The Teleri are resisting as best they can with bowfire and by pushing the Noldor over board, but are being beaten back. Maedhros, bloodied and almost berserk, leads a band of Noldor onto another ship, but is driven back swiftly. The Teleri are starting to regain an advantage. Most of Maedhros’ companions are cut down!]
Maedhros: To me! To me! Voice of Fingon: Now as ever, cousin.
[Fingon’s banner shines above him, as the reinforcing band of Noldor charges to Maedhros’s aid. With their aid, the Teleri are quickly scattered back. The motion slows down, and the music becomes more sorrowful, as we see Fingon and Maedhros hacking down fleeing Telerin Elves. More of the Feanorian Noldor, led by Amrod, join]
Maedhros: Now, onto the ship! We shall rejoin the rest of the fleet. The Teleri are vanquished! Alas, they shall regret not lending us their vessels willingly...many have died on this red eve.
[Maedhros and Amrod, with their retinues, pour on board. Fingon, looking horrified, stays on land with his followers.]
Fingon: What is this madness I have been entrapped in? I thought the Teleri had ambushed our army...and now I hear from Maedhros’s lips that it is we who have stolen their ships...
[He starts to weep bitterly.]
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Post by Huinesoron on Oct 7, 2005 6:16:05 GMT -5
[Beams] I'll add it in. And then I'll make the changes that need making elsewhere - Aredhel instead of Aradhel - and then I'll re-upload it.
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Post by Maeglin on Oct 7, 2005 8:40:34 GMT -5
The new page doesn't seem to work yet...
I'll have a go at Fingon's rescuing next week, unless someone beats me to it.
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Post by Huinesoron on Oct 7, 2005 10:15:00 GMT -5
/Should/ work now...
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Post by Maeglin on Oct 7, 2005 10:27:11 GMT -5
It does, it does.
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Post by Huinesoron on Oct 7, 2005 13:00:33 GMT -5
Fantastic.
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Post by Maeglin on Oct 7, 2005 13:46:17 GMT -5
I've posted again on the Downs asking for artists, actors and editors...
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Post by Maeglin on Oct 11, 2005 11:21:22 GMT -5
Here's the Rescue of Maedhros. Not sure about the voiceover at the end.
[Fingon is crawling across the vast expanse of grass towards Thangorodrim, still distant. The sky is dark with smoke from its peaks. The grass is becoming withered, burnt, and eventually simply desert and rock. Menacing music plays.]
[Cut to Maedhros, against one of the peaks, his right hand fettered to the rock face. His expression is stoic and defiant. Cut to Fingon, grey elven cloak pulled over him, starting to ascend.]
[We see Fingon, exhausted, higher up, looking around, feeling at crevices.] Fingon: There’s no way in! Morgoth, you coward, you will pay for this...I shall make sure of it. Where are you now, Orcs of the mountains? Do you lurk to hide yourselves from a single Elf? [His voice echoes, but there is no answer. Fingon takes a small silver harp in both hands, and starts to play on it. Fingon: O my well-formed cousin, To where have you wandered? Kinslaying forgiven, I seek you forlorn. Voice of Maedhros: (cracked, weary) O look up my cousin You’ll find me above thee By the merciless rock I am worn. [Fingon starts, and leaves the harp where it is, starting to climb upwards again.]
[Cut to Fingon at the foot of the precipice, Maedhros hanging just out of reach. Fingon stretches out his hand, leaning perilously forward...] Maedhros: No! You will fall. Do not let me bear your death too. Listen, Fingon. Morgoth has caught me. There is no hope. Return to my people and tell Maglor to look after... Fingon: No! [He lunges forward and almost falls. He manages to regain his position.] Maedhros: There is no hope, Fingon. Do you have a bow and arrows? Fingon: (through tears) Yes, cousin. Maedhros: Then slay me. You will cheat Morgoth of his prize and save yourself from false dreams. Fingon: (nodding grimly) So be it, cousin. May Mandos remember your courage. You were the best among us. Always. [He fits arrow to bow.] Fingon: O King to whom all birds are dear, speed now this feathered shaft, and recall some pity still for the Noldor in their need! [Really, really tragic music. The string is bent. Close up on arrow, then on Maedhros’s exposed breast...sudden dramatic music. Maybe ride of the Valkyries? Thorondor seen swooping through the dark clouds. Fingon cries out “Thorondor!” and drops bow and arrow, leaping onto the Eagle’s back. Thorondor bears him right up to Maedhros, who is goggling in amazement.] Fingon: Now to get this thing off you, cousin! [He draws his sword and swings it at the bond. The blade shatters.] Maedhros: You see? Fate will not allow my release. Kill me, Fingon. Please. [Fingon draws a dagger, and Maedhros nods approvingly. At the last moment, Fingon feints from Maedhros’ neck to his wrist, slicing through it and heaving Maedhros in front of him on Thorondor as Maedhros screams in pain. They soar away into the distance as the sun rises.] Voicover of Elrond: By this deed the Noldor were reunited; and Fingon won great renown. As for Maedhros, he did not forget his torment, and lived to wield his sword with his left hand, more deadly even than his right had been.
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Post by Huinesoron on Oct 13, 2005 3:30:15 GMT -5
Tell you what, I'll yoink that, fit it into the script, and then see if I can't work the voiceover into the dialogue of the end scene. Because voiceovers should not be overused, no.
I'll get it up sometime today or tomorrow. Anyone doing editing work would be advised not to muck around with anything after it until then - the last scene will need reworking, which I'll do.
EDIT: Done!
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Post by lennaire on Jan 23, 2008 2:13:08 GMT -5
I would also like to offer my assistance with any editing or proofreading that may be needed for the script.
I have quite a bit of experience with both of those tasks and would be more than happy to help.
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