I would like to express my gratitude for the opportunity to post here on the Silmfilm forum. I would like to specifically thank hS and tamitha for tolerating me and encouraging me to post my "alt" version of the FOTN script. I am doing this mainly to outline and display my ideas and different aspects of what possibly could be done with the source material. Moreover, it is an enjoyable exercise in developing my writing skills and by no means is it meant to be an "end all, be all" of how the story should be told. I like many things with the current script and I'm not calling for it's total demise, but merely want to get some of my ideas out in the open with out having to change the lion share of the previous work.
I will be posting two to three scenes at a time with a brief commentary at the end listing main points that I was hoping to convey.
Last Edit: Jan 8, 2008 9:11:05 GMT -5 by Glorfindel
THIS PROLOGUE AND THE FOLLOWING FEW SCENCES HAVE CHANGED. I POSTED THE ENTIRE SCRIPT STARTING ON PAGE 4. PLEASE START THERE. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE. - G.
[A dark starry night with the frame filled with the night sky; it’s a bird's eye view. Slowly the shot moves forward and down as the narrator begins to speak and music builds.]
Galadriel [VO] - Many things have been claimed as beautiful and inspiring. Indeed, many have set one work or another as wonders of the world, but none could match the hollowed treasure that was wrought so long ago in Aman; they that contained the light of the two trees.
[The shot levels off and focuses on three points of light just barely below the very dark horizon]
Galadriel [VO] - Above all the wonders of ages past, they were; beyond the scope of what mortal man could make. Even beyond the skill of any elven kind, save the one who made them.
[The shot has moved down like a swooping bird of prey to reveal a figure of a male elf holding three brilliant sparkling crystal type objects but not close enough to show details. The shot flies back up as would an eagle after an attempt at some prey and climbs to the star filled sky very fast.]
Galadriel [VO] - Wondrous, magnificent, and pure were they, but to have full understanding of their power and worth, you must start at the beginning; learn of things before the foundations of the world were established.
TITLE SHOT: The Silmarillion: Fall of the Noldor
[The title fades and the shot has warped forward past the stars to a black shot that goes dark grey and then a white bright light suddenly appears and it has a wavy ever-changing color pattern slightly seen in it]
Galadriel [VO] - Know that before all else is Eru, the One. From him all that is, originated. For he is Iluvatar, the father of all, and from him came the Ainur which were the offspring of his thoughts.
[The Ainur are small lights that spiral out from the vortex of the great white light and have pale shades of a single color but are still mostly white at the core. They start to pulsate and quiver with sound wave like ripples come off of them as they orbit Eru (the great white light). Eru is starting to take the shape of a humanoid figure of bright white light]
Galadriel [VO] - Eru propounded a theme and bid the Ainur to sing the song of creation. They sang it before him but the mightiest of his holy ones wove discord into it.
[One of the larger Ainur lights become dimmer and reddish and is pulsating faster, the sound waves get sharp and jagged.]
Galadriel [VO] - He was Melkor, he who arises in might, and he desired to place in the song his own ambitions and will. This discord was fought against by Iluvatar's faithful lead by Manwe, the blessed one. Other themes Eru Iluvatar started and finally Eru's mastery overtook all that Melkor attempted, commandeering Melkor’s notes for Eru's own themes.
I start off with the idea of just having a short condense version of the original prologue but like many can attest to, it's a hard thing to do. You really have to balance the time factor with the information that needs to be given. I ended up going over the length that I wanted but I did achieve two things that I originally didn't start out to do.
After explaining the beginning of the story to my sister and my fourteen year old daughter, I took an "off the top of your head" approach. I explained the creating of Arda and the mess with Melkor as straight forward as I could, without too many names and job descriptions. I think I wanted it to sound more like "by the camp fire" story telling. I did keep some of the wordy lingo of the book and some my own "pseudo archaic" structure to age it for the right fantasy feel.
I also got a whole different beginning and ending from that experience. They wanted to know what the heck was the deal with Silmarils, Silmarrillion, etc. I also watched the prologue to the LOTR: FOTR movie again and thought it a good idea to put the jewels up front as somewhat revealed or known since the stories revolve around them.
I also ended the prologue with an easier transition into my first scene. I've seen it done this way before in other films but it did not hit me until this past weekend to try it out here.
Last Edit: Jan 8, 2008 11:01:18 GMT -5 by Glorfindel
[Shot of a large tapestry on a huge wall and the shot scrolls along some of its length to show a few events that took place before Melkor’s capture. Shot turns to show a very long hallway with a high ceiling. A figure dressed in light blue and glowing very faintly approaches with a military type of look about him. Walking toward the camera, he stops while still slightly out of focus. Two figures come into the frame from both sides and are seen from the back, shoulder and torso downward, in focus. The blue figure is still not quite in focus until after he bows and speaks]
Eonwe: [As he bows deeply] Mistress Nienna and Master Mandos, the hour draws near and the rest of the Valar are gathering at Mahanaxar.
[Shot switches to a medium frame of Mandos and Nienna. He looks blankly forward and then looks at the tapestry that’s out of the frame while Nienna looks a tad impatient and looks at him]
Nienne: [Slightly impatient] Namo, shall we not proceed as requested?
Namo: [After few seconds, he turns partially sideways and motions with his hand to someone behind him] We will proceed. [He turns and looks at Nienna] Go tell Vaire to put off her weaving for a short while and come with her husband to the appointed meeting.
Nienna: Yes brother. [She smiles but looks a little sad. She then departs as two elf like males (but extra tall and sparkling) approach Namo and bow]
Namo: [To his servants who have come] Fetch him. [They turn and walk down the hall behind Namo] It is done Eonwe. We will be there before the mingling of the light.
[Shot of Eonwe bowing again and a camera swipe to elves in Valmar bowing on the side of the street. You can hear the steps of horses and then the shot pulls and widens to show Orome on Nahar coming down the street with huntsmen on horses behind him. The shot moves behind him and his company as they ride at a medium pace up the street. They approach an intersecting street when Ulmo comes out from around the corner with loud deep horns sounding. Orome’s company come to a sudden halt and all the elves are in wonderment. They laugh, cheer, and bow to both Valar.]
Orome: [Looking up at the very tall Ulmo] Hail Lord Ulmo, it is a wonder to see you. Not often is the Lord of waters seen in Aman no less in Valimar. It has been long ages since I laid eyes on the one who partnered with me in the bringing of the elder to Aman, though I do hear your voice on my travels.
Ulmo: [Deep voice looking down at Orome (sounds of water)] A long time away have I been for there is still much work to be done and aid to be given to the eldar that remain in middle earth. I almost repent that I helped you in bringing the kindreds of elf here, as I almost repent that I've come to the Ring of Doom on this occasion. [He turns and walks beside Orome. They both travel together down the street and turn another corner. The shot shows the great entrance into Mahanaxar, widening out to show large groups of elves lining the street on both sides, bowing and greeting the Valar as they approach the entrance.] [Cut to Scene 2]
Last Edit: Jan 8, 2008 11:42:58 GMT -5 by Glorfindel
I wanted to reveal more about the Valar without packing it into the prologue. In a way, it's sort of a mini cheat but it does serve the purpose of getting the viewers to Aman, showing different Valar (and their connections with each other) and also some looks at life in Valmar.
Now you could skip this and use it as an "extended version" scene, but I do like the transition from the prologue to the Halls of Mandos, and the build up before you get a little more serious in the Ring of Doom.
Lastly, I tried not to show the faces of the Valar until now, so in the prologue, everything is from the back, far away or not in the frame. That way, this scene has a little more power to it because now at least some of the Valar's faces and looks are revealed.
[The Valar are settling into their seats or in standing positions for the meeting. Eonwe stands out front near the foot of Manwe’s seat and speaks]
Eonwe: Today, as appointed in ages past, comes Melkor, Ainur and Valar!
[Shot of a huge double door opening revealing Melkor with his head bowed with Namo, Nienna, and Vaire standing behind him. Vaire touches Namo on his shoulder and goes off frame to be seated.]
Eonwe: Come forth.
[Melkor looks up at Varda very quickly (shot shows close-up of her face) and he flenches, turning his head away quickly as if she pained him. He slowly comes forward with the noise of the heavy chains. The shot pans the faces of the other Valar as you hear the disruption of the chain and then comes back to show Melkor now at the center of the ring.]
Eonwe: It was appointed by Manwe and the Valar present, that you, Melkor, should dwell in the Halls of Mandos for three ages as punishment for the woe that you unleashed on the world; for your rebellion against Ilvatar’s will by marring the works of the other Valar that were done in his name. What say you now of your dark ambitions and recklessness?
I guess I just wanted to have some passion there without going overboard since Feanor really needs to be the passion freak of this story. I did want to give some balance to both arguments and have everything seem "reasonable". That way it wouldn't be as if Manwe flipped his wig and let Melkor go or that Tulkas and the opposition were being to hard and hateful.
Should there be some kind of sympathy for Melkor? No, I don't think so, but he does need to lay low for a while. I wanted to reveal more of a foreshadowing but not just nakedly so. I had the idea of the eyes and tree transition to bring the point home.
I will wait until Thursday to get scenes 3 and 4 up although scene 3 is ready now. I think I will allow some time for people to comment on the other stuff so it won't be too much to read through at one time.
I have read all posts. Very different approach. I will read it at least a second time, perhaps even a third time, depending on my ability to change gears and absorb the new approach.
Did I miss something or did we not agree to use Shakespearian English when the Valar are speaking or is that only going to happen when they are speaking down to the Elves? But then aren't there Elves present in these scenes? Oh my, I'm sooooo confused.
"For he is Iluvatar..." "Other themes Eru Ilvatar started..." "In the end, Ilvatar showed a vision..."
Pleeeaaaasssseee watch your spelling. Forgive my fussiness, but it is distracting, I lose my focus and have to re-read the line. I know it is an error of speed typing, I do it too. I have to preview my posts and modify them before leaving them up and I still miss things from time to time.
Otherwise, I am choosing to respectfully withhold my comments and opinions until after King Ingwe Finrod Huinesoron has spoken.
(with eyes red and dry from looking at the computer screen too long) Yes, I did spell the "Father of all" name wrong. I will make a sacrifice for it tonight under the stars in the hopes that Varda will whisper in the ear of Manwe my apology that he may deliver it to Iluvatar on my behalf.
I am trying to watch the spelling and you probably won't believe the fact that I've read though all of that three time this past weekend, twice while posting and once again after everything was up.
Oh well, as for the old English and all of that, I went with the way I heard it in my head. It can be tweaked one way or another.
Last Edit: Jan 8, 2008 15:27:29 GMT -5 by Glorfindel
Okay! I don't think sacrifices are necessary. It's not that serious.
Get some rest my friend. Manwe help us all if you blind yourself, reading and writing posts, though I've done it my-self when I was actively working on the script with hS. There were times when I would have the day off from work and I would be at it all day and well into the night, then drag to work the next day because of a lack of sleep. Ridiculous! I know. Over indulging in something I love to do. Isn't that some sort of sin or something or other? Some overeat, some drink, some bury themselves in books, reading and writing, that would be .....me.
Thank you for taking the time to share your vision. We will treat it with the same respect and high value that we give to all authors. It takes a lot of courage to share your writing, especially on the internet. Of all the different roles available to us to reach others, bask in our own talents and abilities, and in the entertainment field, writers are the most vulnerable because we put our hearts and souls into our creations and then hold them up for the world to receive or reject. The only safe place for writers is with other writers who may criticize, but will not rip to shreds because they do not want their own works ripped to shreds. Anyway, thank you for trusting us with your creation.
I'm afraid my eyes are glazing over from Too Much Words, so I'm having difficulty getting more than a general feel for the scenes you've posted (my fault, not yours). However, I have to say, I really do like your Scene 1. As with every version of every scene, some things (dialogue points, names of the Valar, etc) are in need of editing, but the idea -- and the introduction of Ulmo as, well, Ulmo -- is very promising. And means, yes, that some bits can be cut from the prologue. (As one suggestion -- of the many I'll doubtless make when I get my head in gear -- could we have Ulmo doing his rising-from-the-water trick, rather than just walking into shot? It's really more his style)
Oh, and I see we've lost the House of Finwe from the prologue again.
~He came never back among the people of the Elves~
-- could we have Ulmo doing his rising-from-the-water trick, rather than just walking into shot? It's really more his style)
Oh, and I see we've lost the House of Finwe from the prologue again.
Actually, I did have Ulmo coming out of the sea... but the Ring of Doom is not by the beach and I wanted the sight of him to be witnessed by the multitude and show their reactions. I did alter it to have him come out of the sea and be seen by the elves of Alqualonde and then switch to Orome riding in Valmar and running into him. I ended up scraping that because it gave the impression that maybe Alqualonde and Valmar were the same city.
I also figured that Ulmo could or would do several impressive water emergences later in the other scripts.
The House of Finwe was not necessarily lost. Some info was or is suppose to be shifted and placed in other scenes.
Ulmo and the sea: remember, he's the Lord of all the waters. If I can pull out my Silm... here it is.
And when again thirty years had passed, Turgon son of Fingolfin left Nevrast where he dwelt and sought out Finrod his friend upon the island of Tol Sirion, and they journeyed southward along the river, being weary for a while of the northern mountains; and as they journeyed night came upon them beyond the Meres of Twilight beside the waters of Sirion, and they slept upon his banks beneath the summer stars. But Ulmo coming up the river laid a deep sleep upon them and heavy dreams; and the trouble of the dreams remained after they awoke, but neither said aught to the other, for their memory was not clear, and each believed that Ulmo had sent a message to him alone.
He's not rising from the water in this case, but there's no reason he couldn't -- after all, we only see him do so once. And since the geography of Valinor is so very vague, a river near the Mahanaxar (to water the Trees?) isn't too big a proposition. It would also avoid having the Hunter riding through the Golden City, when if memory serves he actually lives beyond it (and anyway, the Vanyar aren't exactly hunters themselves -- it'd be Noldor with him, and they don't like Valmar).
~He came never back among the people of the Elves~
Coming from a near by river or other source of water would be cool. I didn't go that route because I didn't know of any to refer to. Indeed there is vagueness when it comes to the landscape, but I not want to inject a water feature there and risk getting comments like, "Where in Aman is that river? That's not on the conjecture maps!"
THE FOLLOWING FEW SCENCES HAVE CHANGED. I POSTED THE ENTIRE SCRIPT STARTING ON PAGE 4. PLEASE START THERE. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE. - G.
Scene 3 - Father and Son at the Trees
[Shot of the two trees that goes between them and focuses on Feanor standing a short distance from the base of Ezellohar. He is looking at the trees as his father approaches from off frame [right-side] and stands next to him.]
Finwe: [Looking at the trees with a pleased expression] Even after all these long ages, their splendor is still beyond what many words can tell. [Folds his arms and glances at Feanor] I too come here when duties allow, so that I may bask in their glory and receive their blessing, but I must say that I'm surprised to see you here, away from your forge.
Feanor: Is it so surprising my father? Truly the most surprising, the most amazing thing is the wonderment of Telperion and Laurelin.
Finwe: Yes indeed, but it would also be an astonishment to have you visit my table, the table of Indis and your brothers from time to time. [eyebrows raised in fatherly concern toward Feanor]
Feanor:[Frowning but still looking at the trees] I was on an errand to fetch supplies for a project that I've been working on. As I past them, they seem to have...called me. [Looking puzzled and surprised at what he said, then coming to himself] Their beauty is mesmerizing.
Finwe:Truely spoken Feanor my son. Of all the things that I witnessed while as an ambassor, brought here to bring report of Aman back to the Eldar, yes...oh yes...the vision of their beauty was everlasting in my mind. They inspired me to persevere through long years as the three kindreds followed Lord Orome on the difficult road to Aman. Not all that set out on that journey ever came to the Blessed Realm. [He pauses and looks down for a moment, his spirit is dimmed but he continues] And I have surely learned that the Undying Lands are not without death. [He turns slowly and starts to walk away; Feanor is startled out of his stare by Finwe's last comment and follows after him]
Feanor: Father? [He is now walking side by side, arm in arm with Finwe] Are you alright?
Finwe: [Softy but clearly] Yes, Feanor, I'm fine.
Feanor: [With some passion and slightly loud] I know that some of my endeavors have kept me from your side. I am sorry for it. I don't want to add to your burdens.
Finwe: No, of course not but I must say that I am concerned. [He stops and turns to face Feanor] I'm concerned about my house, the house of Finwe, and how it has brothers that barely speak. I will also dare to say that my concern extends in part to Nerdanel and the welfare of your sons. [He sighs] I now think that I may have done a disservice to you by…
Feanor: [He cuts Finwe off with a loud firm voice] Father, there is no need now to question your heart or your motives. You have always been near to me in my dire need. Although I have not warmly greeted every decision that you've made, I will always be your son; in name and in deed I will honor you. Rest your mind father and let your spirit be at ease. My wife is well and about her own duties. She has been with me in many of my works, though our time together recently has been short. Your grandsons are growing in skill and spirit. They just like to wander and explore as I did when I was...
Finwe: [Cutting Feanor off] Curufinwe. [Places his hand on Feanor's shoulder] You have achieved much and will go on to do even more exceedingly marvelous works I know. I will trust you to make the mastering of your own home one of them. [He smiles though still with a touch of sadness]
Feanor: Yes father. I will of course.
Finwe: [Pats Feanor on the shoulder] Yes, of course. Well, I must be off to see Lord Aule, if it is his will, and then to my own halls. Maybe I'll see one of my seven grandsons at his forge. Curufin is often there learning craft. Oh, I know that Manwe’s Festival of First Fruits will soon be upon us, but I have called for a celebration of my own by his leave. Long it has been since we marked the day that the three kindreds arrived here in Aman. I would like to commemorate that event, even if it's mostly noldor that attend. The celebration will be held in three cycles of the trees at my hall. I hope to see you and all of you house there.
Feanor: [trying not to frown but not succeeding] It will be so.
Feanor: Farewell [He holds his hand out to salute his father then he lowers it and turns back to look at the trees]
Last Edit: Sept 10, 2008 11:09:18 GMT -5 by Glorfindel