As you can see, I'm adding in new scenes. Although I included some elements of the FOTN-edited script, I did not set out to make the G-version a scene for scene rewrite of the previous script. It's more of my expression of the story done with my own sensibilities (good or bad).
So this scene is to build the relationship up or rather establish the facts of the relationship between Finwe and Feanor. It is said that no son cared for a father as deeply as Feanor cared for Finwe. Finwe had a strong attachment to his oldest son too, although his second marriage strained the relationship. I also wanted to include the genesis of though in Feanor's mind of creating the silmarils.
I included some information that was unpacked at the "Feanor's Forge" scene in the other script. I don't know if it's too mushy, but now you should know the general outline of Finwe's and Feanor's houses without a whole lot of details . More information will be sprinkled throughout the next two scenes to give a more complete picture of the family dynamics as well as continue some of the other through lines of the plot.
Last Edit: Jan 10, 2008 8:57:41 GMT -5 by Glorfindel
Post by Glorfindel on Jan 11, 2008 16:39:05 GMT -5
THE FOLLOWING FEW SCENCES HAVE CHANGED. I POSTED THE ENTIRE SCRIPT STARTING ON PAGE 4. PLEASE START THERE. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE. - G.
Scene 4: Family in the Square of Tirion
[Maglor is leaning on the wall just inside an archway, singing and playing the harp, while Caranthir is standing near the wall outside of the archway. Turgon and his wife Elenwe are holding hands and sitting on a bench a short distance away; they listen to the music and look at Galathilion (the white tree of Tirion) as other elves pass through the square.]
Maglor: [Singing softly but being heard by many that pass by] Should I take more than a glimpse, and risk the attempt, to be so bold, through bravery untold, to long look upon you? Yet my heart demands, with hope to have your hand, in this blessed land, My Love, My Love.
Hey there, don't get mad at me. I meddled with your Prologue. I'm going to go ahead and post it. One of the things I took out was the mention of the two trees right off the bat with no explanation, because if I were sitting down to watch this movie and I had never read the book, and it said these things ? whatever they were held the light of the two trees, I would be like "What two trees? What the heck are they talking about?" Which I know the explanation soon follows, but it was a bit confusing to me. If you don't like what I've done you don't have to keep it. You may leave it the way you originally posted it and you and hS can work out whether or not any changes need to be made or if it is fine as is. I'm just meddling and without being invited to do so, I might add. So again I ask that you please not get angry with me.
Post by Glorfindel on Jan 13, 2008 17:27:27 GMT -5
No, that's cool. I stuck it in there because I wanted to blow up or giving more weight to the jewels, but if you don't know what I'm referring to when I mention the trees, then it defeats the purpose. I tried to remedy that by including some information about the trees later on.
It is fine either way with me. My major point was just to promote the silmarils to the viewer rather quickly. If you have any other suggestions, please let me know.
Last Edit: Jan 13, 2008 17:28:07 GMT -5 by Glorfindel
Yeah, I knew that what your point was, that's why I didn't make any major changes to the Scene. I just kind of tried to spruce up the dialog, or at least make it a little smoother and easier to read and comprehend. Apparently you didn't have any serious objections to the adjustments I made. We'll see what hS has to say. I'm not sure at this point which prologue he wants to use. I really liked the orginal, but I also get it about bringing the Silmarils to the forefront. I'm not going to make those kinds of decisions. I'll just try to help with the writing whether it is this script or the original. You and hS can decide which version to use, or whether or not to combine them.
I still like a lot of things about the original too. I just wanted the see how it would fly having the jewels presented rather quickly. I resently watched the "Dune" prologue on the re-edit version (the one with the male narrator and pictures/paintings) and was like, "that's a lot to swallow before you get the spice and the planet Dune". Of course, LOTR: FOTR has info about the ring up front, so that's the route I was trying to take. If the original prologue prevails, it won't hurt my feelings.
Post by Glorfindel on Jan 14, 2008 11:39:43 GMT -5
Scene: Feanor’s Forge
[Fade in, establishing shot of some of Feanor’s tools on a table and then a slow panning of the camera to reveal open books and notes scattered here and there. Finally you see some of his completed works on a high shelf (jewels, lanterns, palantir, etc.). The shot widens to show the back of Feanor as he stands between the furnace and a small workbench]
Feanor: Now, if I can keep it constant… [The shot moves in slowly]
No! By Aule’s beard, that’s too much color; alright then, again, one more time.
[He maneuvers to grab a few items from the bench as he holds a long handle with a container on the end, in the furnace. He mumbles something is elvish, low and almost indiscernible]
Garo, garo godref, dartha, we will see now. [He places a few clear crystals into container with a strange tool.] It...will...hold.
[There is a hissing and a light is shown getting brighter and changing colors shining out of the furnace in front of Feanor as he speaks more low and almost indiscernible elvish]
Calen, malen, elu...almost there.
[Shot changes to show Feanor’s face with the light of the furnace fire mingled with the light of whatever is in the container, shining on him.]
It will hold this time. Yes, yes, finally, I have achieved the first part, now…
[He takes the container out of the furnace and detaches it from the handle. He then places it on the small workbench and carefully takes the contents out. The shot is now a profile one, showing Feanor from the waist up and the workbench and container barely out of the frame. There is a white light shinning from the bench. It dims and then brightens periodically. He then looks up and maneuvers several items above him. The light is now flickering and he looks down in horror]
No, no, no!
[The camera cuts to an outside shot of Nerdanel approaching the forge and you faintly hear sounds of a few small explosion type noises and Feanor yelling some frustrated words. She knocks on the door]
Feanor: Just a moment! [You hear some clanking, furniture being moved and then Feanor’s footsteps loud and quick coming to the door. There is the sound of a great lock being unlocked and finally the door opens].
Nerdanel: [She walks in through the doorway slowly and looks around suspiciously] Feanor, is there some, trouble, here?
Feanor: No my wife, just setbacks. [Looks at her and tries to smile through a frustrated face] I was working on something but I’m finished for now. I was just about to leave after I put some things away.
Nerdanel: You, leave? That’s news to hear. It’s a wonder that you haven’t become part of the furnishings since you dwell here so long. Are you well?
Feanor: Yes, yes, I’m fine. I have to acquire a few items to continue my project. Why are you here?
Nerdanel: [Looking down and around and speaks] In times past, there was no questioning as to “why”, just gladness that I was here. [Both are now silent, as if they were trying to reminisce about past events, then she looks up sternly at Feanor to continue as he frowns with a troubled look] I’m in search of our sons, these wandering children of ours. Have you seen any of them recently?
Feanor: No, I have not seen them. Like their father they are. Seeking to learn…to know. They will cease one day as I have.
Nerdanel: They seek, yes, and my wish is that they seek to know their father and that their father seek to know more of them.
[She walks closer to Feanor and takes his right hand in hers and now speaks softer]
You have spoken half the truth, for while you have stopped wandering on foot, you are ever wandering in your mind; going places you don’t ask me to accompany you. Now it seems that many of your thoughts are kept from me.
Feanor: Nerdanel, [He slowly pulls away from her with a cold blank expression] Of my wanderings…some paths are meant to be traveled in solitude. I don’t condemn your company but deem that these are beyond your ability to traverse.
Nerdanel: [Slightly upset] Many paths we have walked together Feanor, including ones that lead to seven sons. You have now chosen to forsake those paths to take new ones that require locked doors.
[Feanor is now frowning and tense]
Locked doors in the Blessed Realm?
Feanor: Nerdanel, I… [He is cut off by the sudden intrusion of Maglor and Maedhros. They quickly walk in on either side of Nerdanel]
Maedhros: Father, Mother. [He bows slightly to both]
Nerdanel: And where are the others?
Maglor: I could only find Maedhros, mother. [He does a quick bow to both parents]
Feanor: Nerdanel, for what need are you attempting to gather all my sons?
Nerdanel: You haven’t forgotten have you Feanor, about the celebration commissioned by you father? The time is drawing near.
Feanor: [Frowning and upset] No, I have not! I have marked it well and have calculated hard on how to avoid it!
Nerdanel: Feanor! You don't mean to disappoint your father do you?
[Feanor turns his back to them, Nerdanel motions to her sons to follow her to the entrance of the forge]
Preparations must be made. Maedhros, go to the forge of Aule and see if Curufin is there. Maglor, you go ahead of me and inquire at the mansion of Lord Orome to see if Celegrom has been there; try to find Canathir along the way.
[The two sons leave and Nerdanel turns back towards Feanor who is pacing a little, visibly upset]
Feanor: Shall I disappoint my father? No, I will not be the one that disappoints! He has two other sons that are quite capable of doing that. [Then he stops pacing and calms himself] So, of course, I will be there. I will sit at my father’s table as eldest of my father’s sons, less Fingofin and Finarfin forget their place.
Nerdanel: I don’t think that they have Feanor, but I am glad to hear that you will be there...and on time Feanor. I would be even happier if you could locate our twins.
[She bows slowly to Feanor and leaves and the scene ends with a close-up of Feanor looking grim, fade to black].
Last Edit: Jan 14, 2008 11:48:59 GMT -5 by Glorfindel
Now this scene I like. Not saying that I don't like the others, I'm still reviewing them, but I'm having trouble getting my head into them. hS and I were so closely following the book and while we did invent scenarios they were closely built around things taken directly from the book. You on the other hand have shown your creativity and imagination. This is not bad, and I am not by any means correcting you, please do not take it that way, it is just that I have had to move from my comfort zone and expand my ways of thinking, so I'm still in process of relating to the the scenes, but this one.....This one reached out and grabbed me and pulled me in. This is in line with what I was trying to accomplish in the scene where Nerdanal left the Feanor and the marriage. Very good interaction not only between Nerdanel and Feanor, but also between parents and children. I did have Maedhros a little more on the somber side. I can see the twins being reckless and barging into the forge more so than Maedhros and Maglor, but the feel is very realistic. Bouncy youngesters not having a full appreciation for adult matters. Perfect, perfect, perfect. And the tension between Feanor and Nerdanel...again perfect, perfect, perfect.
Post by Glorfindel on Jan 14, 2008 12:32:55 GMT -5
Scene 5 Points
It's hard to know, at least for me, how much detail of the silmaril creation is really needed to be shown. In this scene, I wanted to get over the point that Feanor is working on a difficult project (one that he may not be able to repeat again, as he tells Yavanna later on). In the Peter Jackson, LOTR movie, the ring is never seen being made as far as how Sauron pours his wrath and will to dominate into the ring. Moreover, the reforging of the sword is very simplistic (two elves at the forge hammering). I want there to be a mystery to it, even to the viewers.
I threw in some elvish, but that can be taken out. I put it in from being influenced by native Spanish speakers, who will explain things to you in English, but sometimes will switch to their native language for certain expressions. I also picked the idea up from listening to cooks at an Italian restaurant. It could be a nice touch, or it could be confusing.
I also wanted a glimpses of his "hot" nature but not too much, so when he goes for broke later, it will be him really coming into his own. He is somewhat patience here, with Nerdanel, but less than when he was with his father. This will continue to unveil until you can see just how impatience and intolerant he is with his brothers, with the Teleri and with the Valar. It has some "mush" in here but hey, they did have seven kids so there had to be some "I remember when you really cared" stuff.
Finally, I tried to go over some of the names of the sons and brothers again, so hopefully through repetition, the viewer will commit them to memory. This is a building of knowledge process so it won't feel like a brain dump in a single scene or seem like a character just appears out of the thin air, in the middle of the movie, with no prior knowledge of them.
Post by Glorfindel on Jan 14, 2008 12:40:40 GMT -5
Thanks for the comments. I like this scene and it was easiest to write. Maybe because I know people like this. I switched the twins in favor of M&M because I want to give M&M more screen time. They will have more promience later on and will care more weight, so I want to make sure you really know them. The twins have a role to play but I'm still getting my mind around them and if we go with the burning of the ships with one of them dying, well...anyway, thanks.
One thing that I have noticed especially in Scene one, but I haven't said anything and I think maybe even hS and I made this mistake. I think we all need to very conscience of having the characters call each other by name. I know why we don't do it in our writing of the script because it is so unnatural to us. In life we meet someone, we get introduced and then they either become a part of our lives or they don't and if they do we know their name so we don't keep using it. However I've watched LotR too many times to count and now I'm watching it to "steal" script ideas and I've noticed that quite frequently when they are addressing each other the first thing they do is say each other's names, even in RotK when Sam and Frodo were quite well established characters, very often Frodo would call Sam by name or Sam would call Frodo "Mr. Frodo". You did it good job of that in this last Scene, but I do think that is something that needs to be improved upon in both versions of the script. For example when you had Eonwe speak for the first time in Scene 1, you just had some character speaking up with no introduction. Yes, on page it showed his name, but on screen no one would know who this was and for my part I did not recognize the name and I had to refer back to the index to find out who the heck Eonwe even was. It's hard or easy depending on how you choose to look at it, for us. We've read the book more than once and have it in our hands so we can look stuff up, but our audience is not going to have that luxury. Some no doubt will have read the book and will criticize us for things left out or shown not in proper order or not characterized in a certain way, but others who are clueless could easily get lost.
Just a piece of advice for all of us to follow.
Last Edit: Jan 14, 2008 13:04:36 GMT -5 by tamitha
Yet another scene to get the characters interacting and showing the relational connections between them. Also there is the introduction of Melkor in such a loving and caring mode among the noldor. ;D These are to setup the foundations of who they are and the attitudes they have so that, "when the dying starts (quote from Pitch Black)", the pacing and action can really pickup without hesitation. I have two more scenes like this and then hopefully I'll will be done.
I included the idea that Feanor gets a breakthrough concerning the making of the jewels. I really wanted Melkor there when it happened to setup something later that I might do. At this point, all the sons of Feanor have had screen time except Curufin. I thought about having him formally introduced here but it seemed like too many people to deal with. I will squeeze him in, along with any other persons that I have left out, into one of the next two scenes. That will complete the noldor intros and intrigue setup. From that point, the silmarils will be up front along with the strife and pride of the noldor coming to a head.
The twins and the sentence finishing may be too much but I wanted to give the viewer something to really know them by. Their dialog can be changed if needed.